I Am So Gonna Get Flamed.
I've read and/or been involved in a lot of discussions centering on the Gay Marraige Debate, and it's probably high time I said something about it here. After all, this is where i'm supposed to be spewing all my fundamentalist crap anyway, right? Not on other people's property. At any rate... Mostly what I'm going to do here is take all the presumptions that tick me off the most and call them out. I anticipate either no comments whatsoever, or a serious amount of flaming. I don't care. I'm venting. So let us begin:
I was over at Jon Reid's Blog, when I saw this post and subsequent comments thread. Follow along, if you like. The first girl that speaks is a straight female atheist. And she said:
...I would be appalled that an organization of people who tries to teach tolerance and kindness to others would be so rude and..."
I say: Um...when did we become an organization of people who tries to teach tolerance? Did I miss that class??? When have we EVER taught tolerance? 'Cause when I read the Bible, it said "rebuke one another" "admonish one another" "correct one another" etc etc etc. It never ONCE said "hey, let's be fair. let's be nice. let's just embrace sin so no one will ever disagree."
These people drive me up a wall. We have an atheist defining us. And this is just ok, apparently. I run into it all the time over at Ben's blog. People who don't even know if they're agnostic or atheist--and yet!! They have these completely off-the-wall ideas about Christianity embedded in their minds... and then they get mad at us if we're like "dude, hold up, where did you get that idea? that's not what it's about." Can we PLEASE get some media coverage on real Christians, PLEASE? I'm fed up with all these hair-brained ideas being perpetuated.
Ok, I need to stop for a minute, or I'm really going to start ranting.
-------time passes--------
Ok. My next beef is with the innumerable people who have been saying that we Christians are peddling hate. If we support someone who is trying to emerge from the homosexual lifestyle, we are spewing our hate. If we do not embrace homosexual behavior, then apparently we hate homosexuals.
I say: Since when does disagreement equal hate? And since when did not condoning a behavior equal hating a growing number of human beings? I'm completely at a loss for this "logic" of theirs. Anyone care to shed some light on it for me? I'm just not seeing how it connects. Under their (un)reasoning, if I don't like it when people chew with their mouths opened, I hate those people. I actually hate them. How much sense does that make?? Ugh.
Next, we have some guy over at Ben's blog (in some comment somewhere--I'm just too baffled by his error to bother looking it up to link it right now) who says that no one, ever ever ever, in the history of the world, has EVER emerged from homosexuality.
I say: Um... and this information is based on what, exactly? Your own circle of friends? Cause lemme tell ya, man, there are a LOT more people in the world. One of them would be my sister... who emerged from homosexuality. She openly lived as a homosexual for 5 years (read: who knows how many years she did before coming out of the closet). Let me guess, though: you're gonna say that she wasn't really gay, right? LOL
Next, I take you back to Don Reid's blog. The second person that posted a comment was a gay-male-christian(i guess). He says that he won't go to church anymore or meet with Christians in person... (um, yes, they might infect you with something, it's much safer to only meet with them electronically). He didn't like the "Sunday Smile" he was met with when it became known that he was gay. So anyway... he said: I did a couple of years research in internet chat on what Christians really think of gay people. And while there is a small minority of Christians who have genuinely loving and caring attitudes....the rest...the vast majority share the same vitriolic attitude of this pastor.
I say: he did research WHERE?? Am I the only one who caught that? Have you ever been into a Christian chat room? Most of those people are freaks! It scares me to go in those places. They all just sit there and spew things back and forth, they don't even have actual conversations. And he spent HOW LONG doing it?? Egads. That just plain scares me. I think the scariest part of all is that this guy considers it valid research. He sat in "Christian Chatrooms" for a couple of YEARS. And asked them how they really felt about gay people. This is where people are forming their opiniosns of Christianity? And they BELIEVE this stuff??
This is where I again quote Pheobe: "What is up with the universe??"
The next guy isn't much better off: Actually, on a more serious note, this is one of the things that repels me about fundamentalist Christianity. I have strong reason to believe that at least some percentage of gay people are genetically predisposed to be that way... (and your reason would be...???)
I say: Well, wouldn't it be nice if science could back up your strong reason, because the reason ain't science. In case no one noticed, there has been absolutely NOTHING in the field of scientific research that even hints at a gay gene. They've been looking for years, and have come up with exactly squat. So because science supports what the BIBLE teaches, he has a problem with it. There's some more stellar logic for you.
Then Jon Reid himself kinda irked me: ...In fact, I'd like to ask any Christian-types to hold off for the time being. Shut up and listen. Read what these people shared, then read it again.
Which is why I'm posting here. :-)
I recommend you all read the next guy for yourselves, there's just too much there for me to go on about in this post, it's already getting way too long.
I'm going to stop for now, with one last thought. I was really, truly disappointed to see the way Jon Reid is reacting to this whole issue. I think I understand where he's coming from, but I think he lost sight of Christ somewhere in there. He sees that a pastor (who was quoted in the article that this posted was centered on) has offended gay people. So he wants to make up for it. He says: So... my question... if calling people "thousands of sodomizers -- because that's what the Bible calls them" counts as a withdrawal on the societal respect-o-meter, what I am asking is what would count as a deposit?
Since when did Christianity become about making people feel good about sin?
People seriously need to drop their own agendas and try God's on. It's right there in the Bible for all to see. Check it out sometime. It has nothing to do with believers feeding the respect-o-meters of a world that has openly denounced God. We aren't here to placate and encourage people who bash our God. We're not supposed to be depositing into their respect-o-meter, Jon. We're supposed to be honest. We are to speak the truth in love. Not speak in love. Speak THE TRUTH in love.
Let the flaming begin...
-Jack-
**Post Script** It is now approximately 10 minutes after I initially posted this entry, and I'm now publicly acknowledging that I am in the wrong, based on my very own last words. I spoke the truth here, but did not do it in love. For that, I am sorry. But I'm leaving it as is, so we can all see that I don't pretend to be better than a single solitary one of you. I am just as bad as anyone. Good thing God is working on me :-)
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Well, Ok Then.
Didn't expect quite that much response down there, lol. Sorta felt like a moment from Ben's Place. Quite alright by me. I think Holly summed it up perfectly: i may not agree with what you say, but its caused me to think about it and confirm what i believe and why..
At any rate. Things have been a little hectic and strange for me lately. Not necessarily bad, just... strange. Like I sit back at the end of the day and go "... wha--??..."
Work has been unbelievable these last two days. Based on incoming patients and doctors offices (referred to as "Admits" at work), I am the number 3 rep in the company (it's rated each month)...
"...Wha--??..."
I've only been there 5 months!!! The only two people above me are Kevin and Lisa, who STARTED the entire department 4 years ago. It's unbelievable. There are TWENTY people in my department. Completely unfathomable, unheard of... just floors me. And it's NOT what I'm doing... It has GOT to be God, there's just no way around it.
Then there's my lunch break yesterday... I noticed as I was walking out of the office that there was a message on my phone, from a number I didn't recognize... So I checked the message. It was a little warbled, some woman from some official sounding office asking me to call her back, something about singing. So I head for my dad's house to see how my sister is, and she tells me there's some woman from some congressman's office or something that wants me to call her.
So I call. And Congressman Mica has requested that I sing the National Anthem for the dedication ceremony to be held on Memorial Day for the new St. John's River Bridge (heretofore to be named The St. John's River Veteran's Memorial Bridge... or something).
"...Wha--??..."
Apparently they heard me sing at the National Day of Prayer Breakfast a few weeks ago... holy COW. (I said "yes", of course) And then when I get home that night, I come to find that apparently Washington got involved in the recruitment process for this shindig, because I've got messages from all over Florida and Capitol Hill from people trying to get ahold of me, making sure I'm going to be there, making sure I talk to such and such, and blah blah too.
"...Wha--??..."
AND... to top it all off... Tate fell asleep tonight WITHOUT a tantrum!!
"...Wha--??..."
God is totally flooring me, people. Flooring. Totally.
Wow.
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This isn't easy, y'know.
Ok, here comes some more:
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2 Timothy 4:1-5
(1)"In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: (2)Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage--with great patience and careful instruction. (3)For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. (4)They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. (5)But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.
This has seriously been bothering me lately... Heather has talked about things similar to this, about watching out for false teaching... But right now I'm looking more at what sorts of things entice the teachers to become false... The lazy, self-serving hearts of "believers". Are we really believers? I am often paralyzed with fear for the souls of those around me. As I work out my own salvation, I see some that say they are Christians, that are sure in their faith, and I know--I know--that they have not received salvation. They have not received the Holy Spirit. Their hearts are worse than hard. They are lukewarm, they are apathetic. They think quoting the "sinner's prayer" and then turning round and doing whatever they like to please themselves, all the while forking over a pretty little tithe as extra insurance, is actually going to get them into heaven.
Listen to me. These words are not mine. I don't know these things, I don't have the answers, I've never even read the whole Bible, I'm just getting around to having read the New Testament straight through for the first time (that means no stopping to study and meditate on verses). I have no right to judge, to say who is going to hell and who isn't--I'm as bad as the rest, I'm human too. And yet there are times when I know. I didn't make the decision, I just saw it. Now, listen...
It isn't about just believing. Even demons believe in the one true God. Examine your hearts, test yourselves. It's about REALLY being born again... It's about accepting the awesome grace offered to us, the salvation offered through the sanctifying work of Jesus Christ... it's about really, truly choosing the Kingdom of God over the kingdom of man, the kingdom of earth. When you choose a kingdom, when you choose whom you will serve, you don't just say "ok, I'm on your side" and then go play with the other team. You serve that which you serve, not that which you say you serve. "You will know them by their fruit..."
It has to be a real effort, a continuous conscious effort. I'm not saying that you will from that moment on never do anything wrong again... we are human, we are weak, we fall short, we sin, we backslide... but we serve Whom we serve.
Who are you really serving?
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Sometimes I really don't like doing that. I know that it's going to seriously tick some people off. I can already hear people going off on me, getting irrate, writing me off, etc, etc... I know it's the last thing that some people want to hear. I'm a people-pleaser, I don't like conflict, I don't like it when people don't like me, or are angry with me... and I am still FAR from coming to grips with the gifts of the Spirit... But I have to say what He convicts me to say. If you don't like it, then it's probably meant most for you. You ought to open your heart. You ought to stop worrying about your pride, and start worrying instead about your place in eternity.
I do know, though, that it is also meant for others whose hearts aren't so hard. They need someone to remind them. They need someone to shake up the perspective and pull their noses out of the day to day and remind them that this, this life, this place... this isn't what it's about--that there's a bigger picture that they've been losing sight of.
At any rate...
God knows the condition of your heart. You might want to familiarize yourself with it too.
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Too Much To Say
I have so many things laid on my heart, I don't know where to begin. It's late, and since I really don't know where to start, I'm just going to call it a night. Hopefully I'll have some order to my thoughts tomorrow night.
I do hope to speak in the next few posts of false teachings, distortion of truth, and the eternal and infallible Word of God. Just some things to look forward too, I guess, lol.
Have a wonderful evening, my friends. And never stop loving Him.
-Jack-
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Updates!!
Hi kids! It's been a while, eh? Ok, a few updates:
Tate's fits are starting to chill. He still has them, and they are still doozies, but the are slightly less frequent and slightly less long.
Did that make grammatical sense? Hmmm. Whatever.
My older sister has agreed to watch Tate for my trip to Sydney for Hillsong Conference, so I don't have to worry about his dad trying to steal away with him.
My dad waltzed up to me after the worship set today at church, pulled me aside, and told me that he was going to pool his frequent flyer miles for my ticket and it would take the price down to about $600. HOLY COW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe it????
God is SOOOO good!!! Seriously, I come across people that don't believe in Him, and I'm like "Dude, how can they possibly not see it??" But there hearts are hard, so they're blind to it. They walk around in the darkness... *sigh* Ok, don't want to get sad, I'm too busy praising God right now!
Hey, um, Susan, is it still ok if I stay with you? I had a vision of us this afternoon--dancing and singing "You are my world" in the airport at the top of our lungs! LOL. Let me know. It's ok to say no, though. God provides!
Woo-hoo! Ok, I'm gonna go dance around the house now. I'll be back later with more serious thoughts.
He really truly does provide!
-Jack-
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I Do Believe...
... that my child is possessed. No, really. I do. I understand that toddlers throw tantrums. It's a fact of life that cannot often be avoided. But something sinister is afoot in my house.
I thought I'd be able to listen tonight after coming home. I thought I could sit in the stillness and just be with God, opening my heart to hear what He has to say, because I didn't listen today... I still don't know what I'm supposed to say.
Stillness? Stillness, you say? What stillness? I don't know know what I was thinking. Ten minutes after we got home, Tate started into another of his "tantrums". Mind you, these only started Saturday, really. I think the storm clouds started rolling in somewhere around Thursday, but the thunder didn't roll till Friday night, and the clouds didn't burst open until Saturday afternoon.
I keep trying to tell myself that this is normal, everyone goes through this... Then, as I was talking to my best friend, Amy, on the phone, she heard Tate's "tantrum" and said "yeah, no, that's what they refer to as 'meltdown'"... Oh. Ok. But, isn't 'meltdown' like the absolute worst? Like isn't there some sort of unofficial tantrum to meltdown ratio, like 12:1 or something? I thought meltdowns were like the culmination of all possible frustrations, like the nuclear holocaust of tantrums. Am I wrong? 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT ALL OF HIS ARE!!! That's what he did for 2 stinking hours last night... that's what he did from the time he WOKE UP this morning until I dropped him off at daycare--no exaggerations... that's what he's been doing for the last HOUR AND A HALF...
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLP. You think I'm being funny? You think I'm trying to joke about the situation to ease the tension?? I'M NOT.
HELP.
SERIOUSLY.
I cannot do this. I don't know how to cope with this. Every piece of advice conflicts with every other piece of advice, and it makes me want to curse. A lot.
At least it's over for tonight. Please... please pray for me. Please...
-Jack-
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ooooooooooh!
and you gotta hear "adoration" from this guy.
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WOW!
You gotta hear this guy. Indie artist on music.download.com. WOW. He's actually really really good. Go check him out.
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That Place
I still don't know what I'm supposed to say... I haven't been listening very well tonight. I'm overcome by the confusion... there's a certain desperation you get, when you sense this sort of thing, when you know there's something you're supposed to know. You get a little frantic when it doesn't immediately present itself. You have to be careful to let go, so that you can hear the Holy Spirit...
So I'm in that place, that not good place... that place where all your worries and fears work extra hard to drown out any hope of you catching a glimpse of what you're supposed to see. It's that darkest-hour-before-dawn place. Not physically, insomuch as things going wrong necessarily. But emotionally, and mentally... things aren't so bright and sunny right now. I'm conflicted on so many levels right now, about so many things. And none of them have anything to do with what I'm trying to see. I know that. So at least I can cling to that as a sifting mechanism... "Ok, what is it NOT about?"
This one is going to take a while. And I don't think sitting here dwelling in the darkness of my mood is going to help too much.
I'll see you on the bright side...
-Jack-
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So much to talk about...
...nothing to say.
Don't know why I'm here...again. Feel like there's something I should say, but it's not there yet. I'm sure it'll come. I need to go feed Tate.
Thanks for all your prayers, and all your suggestions and offers, regarding the Hillsong Conference. I've got some amazing friends, eh? You guys are the best. I thank God for you daily.
Hey, lurkers: Speak up!! :-)
I'll be back with more later.
-Jack-
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In Search of Bright Ideas...
Hey, gang! What's up? Not much here... ok, that was such a lie. It's just what came naturally off the fingertips after posing such a question.
Wow. Ok. Couple of things are happening:
1. I'm pretty sure God wants me to go to Hillsong Conference this summer (or winter for them). My pastor, Chuck, wants me to go too. He's given me his blessing on it, so to speak... He officially wants me to officially attend as a representative of our church. Only problem is, it's going to cost about $2500. And um... I'm a little short. We thought the church would be able to provide a huge chunk of that, but we've fallen short on budget the last few months, and the funds just aren't there. So now, I'm asking everyone to pray about it, pray over the situation, ask God to work His will in this, and pray for discernment on how I should handle things... and pray for some really great fund-raising ideas too, if you would, lol. The conference is in the beginning of July, so I don't have a whole lot of time...
2. Work is getting crazy. That's the easiest way to describe it. Some awesome things have been happening for me there, and the more I focus on God there, the better it gets. But there have certainly been some obstacles of late. There's been a heavy resistance by some of my superiors and coworkers to some of the things that have been opening up for me. I know I'm still ok---more than ok, I'm blazing like a bonfire over there. But it's caused a bit of jealousy and a LOT of politics to crop up. My immediate boss is fighting me every step of the way, but his bosses are giving me direct orders to go ahead with things, and stuff like that--it's kinda complicated. Anyway... so my immediate boss is in a bit of trouble. See, he's trying to reign me in and keep me focused, but my success in these new areas has been astronomical--so it's looking like he's anti-progress and not wanting to do things that will grow the company, etc, since he's kinda trying to stop me. It's just that he's more cautious--but it's making him look really bad. So be praying for him too, if you would.
Ok, I'm going to shut up now. Tell me how things are with you!
-Jack-
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Um...
Can we still view it in the old format?
Egads, Blogger. I JUST posted about how lonely I felt, and so how do you respond? By thrusting me into a totally new and strange environment?? What's that about, huh?
Good grief.
Ok. I suppose I can get used to this. Besides, what choice do I have, right? This feels all weird though. They changed out our copier/printer/fax monster at work today too. Everything's all the time gotta be new and improved. Dude, this machine is worth more than my house though, you don't understand. Seriously. They're leasing it--$7000 down, and like a grand a month. That's insane. It's such a beast.
Ok, since I obviously don't have anything real to talk about, I'll just shut up for now.
Oh, and Bill whacked me on the head today... it was nice :-)
Love God, love others, love life, and live it out loud! Live and leave a legacy that points straight to Him!
-Jack-
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Mother's Day
What good is it without a mother to honor?
Please don't take that as a pitiful solicitation for platitudes... I hate those. I hate verbal pats on the back to buck you up. I really do. I love you guys, I'm not being bitter--just honest. So I'm just saying it plainly: please don't leave comments resembling "Hey, hang in there" or "You can still honor her memory" etc. At least not this time. Not for this post.
It really really sucks. I want my mom. I know she's in a better place, I know she doesn't hurt anymore. But I'm so lonely... I talked to my mom every day. I touched her every day. I don't touch anyone anymore... And it's lonely. It's empty. It's hollow. And it hurts. I know I mattered to my mom... I feel like I don't matter anymore...
I know I've done this to myself. I always have. I keep myself at a distance. I separate myself. It's not always intentional, it's just how I am. I've had very few close friends--I like it that way, because when I do have close friends, I invest so much of myself that there's so little left over for anything else. But there are times in my solitude when Satan takes hold and shoves it in my face... and I'm confronted with loneliness. See, solitude and loneliness are the exact same condition--just expressed from different perspectives. I enjoy being alone, but I don't enjoy being lonely, and right now I'm lonely.
Touch. It's so important. I worry that I'll smother Tate, somehow, in all this... since I'm so desperate for affection. Aside from Tate, I never touch anyone anymore... and aside from Tate, no one ever touches me... Except my dad, who offers up the occassional hug, but they're never real. They're "usual and customary". Insurance term... work lingo...
Work. There are a couple of people there that touch me occassionally, for varying reasons... Sam, the Hot, Flirty Guy in shipping will sometimes poke me in the back and tell me to earn my keep when he walks through my department, just being goofy (if any of you are veteran readers, you may remember me mentioning him, and my fear of his possible attraction to me--not to fear though: he's just a really nice, totally harmless guy). And Bill, my boss... he's kinda like a dad at work, sometimes. Well, at least I frustrate him like I do my dad. Sometimes he'll fondly shove me or poke me or something when I'm exasperating him... and now I find myself trying to exasperate him, in the hopes that he'll whack me on the head... just to feel human touch...
It's so trivial, but so vital... touch tells you you're there... it says you matter... it connects you...
Sometimes when I sneeze, no one says "bless you"... I catch little things like that. Lisa, another girl at work, sneezed on friday morning, and everyone within 50 feet shouted out "bless you"... an hour later, I sneezed, and no one noticed. Sometimes they do... but sometimes I just feel like that totally insignificant clerk in "What Women Want" with Mel Gibson. Would they really notice if I just disappeared?
I know it's pitiful, and weak, and totally unimportant... but I want to be cared about. Not cared for, or loved, or whatever... just cared about. No... that's not even it. Right now I just want to be touched. How pathetic is that? I just want to feel another human being. I just want someone's fingertip to touch my arm. I want to exist to someone. I want to connect. I just want to be touched...
Mom was the only one that ever remembered that I'm a mom too... so I have no one to honor, and no one ever honored me except Mom.
I'm taking Mother's Day off my calender.
-Jack-
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Sorry
I'm sorry if those last couple of posts were a little confusing. It was all pretty much directed at Satan, in case you couldn't tell by some of my "nicknames" for him. I've just been following a really brave guy's blog, and I keep seeing all these anonymous idiots posting things that are detrimental to his healing... It's seriously ticking me off.
I get so outraged by people who create their own god, who only does the things they think god should do... These people take the latest liberal propaganda, the current cultural norms, and all the political correctness you can eat, and then mix in a little God. And then they actually believe it. It completely baffles me. Hello!! That's IDOLATRY.
Grrrrrrrr. I'm on my lunchbreak, I don't have time for a full-length tirade, so I'll just let it rest at that. But this is for all of you: Watch your perceptions very carefully. Be very careful about who you think God is. He IS every single solitary thing you read about Him in the Bible. He DID create all things--even if you don't like it. He DOES allow bad things to happen. Sometimes He directly CAUSES bad things to happen. If you don't like that: Tough. It's the truth. And if you decide that God just isn't like that, then you just crossed over into idolatry, and you don't worship the one and only true God. You've made up some other thing and called it God. And that, my good friends, is NOT cool.
- Jack -
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Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Can we tell I'm fired up? I am so sick and tired of that despicable fleabag confusing and obscuring and otherwise turning around people's minds. I am so DONE. I am just DONE with that. Someone is really truly trying... really in their heart of hearts... they are falling prey to the temptations of that jerkface and they expose that weakness so that they can become new... and what does *he* do? what does that worthless dissenter do? He sends brainless idiots in to say the STUPIDEST things, and confuse the issue more...
DO YOU THINK WE CAN'T SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING?? Egads, Satan. I mean, you've been doing this for what, thousands of years now? You'd think you could do a little better... You are sooo going down. I'm through with it. I'm through with you. I'm through sitting here and taking it, and watching my brothers and sisters in Christ take it. Jerk.
Sorry... like I said, I'm fired up.
- Jack -
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A Message For Satan
Look, jerkface: Back. Up. Off it. You no longer have authority over him. He is a child of God, and he claims the full power of redemption through the death and resurrection of Christ Jesus. You take your filthy little minions and high-tail it back to Hell. Go pack for the Thousand Years or something. You are not needed here. You are not wanted here. You are commanded by a Child of the Most High God to get OUT.
You will no longer control him.
You will no longer give others the power to speak your filth into his life.
He will not suffer you another day.
His way is made clear by the Holy Spirit of the Living God, and you will no longer cloud his head with doubts or his thoughts with confusion.
Do you hear me? You better hope so. See, you know who my Father is. And you know that I can speak to you with His authority. So here it is: I command you out of his life, you dirty LOSER. Yeah. That's right. I called you a loser. You and I both know it, Lucifer. You're only prolonging the inevitable. You know the Scriptures better than I do, I bet. So you know all about what's gonna happen to you. Well, guess what, bucko? YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM. Simple as that. Crawl seething back under your rock. Your time in his life is OVER.
With the utmost sincerity,
Jessica Smith, a.k.a. "Jack"
Beloved Daughter of God
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I'm still alive...
... I think. Ugh. Not feeling so well, but hanging in there. Boy, it seems like ages since I blogged---just wanted to poke my head in, and let you know I'm not dead, though I've felt like it the last couple of days. I'm going to bed now. I'll come back out to play when this mean little bug bugs off.
-Jack-
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