Help...
God, what am I supposed to do? Please help me... You know what I'm going through with Tate. Please show me what to do, show me how to love him--the way he needs to be loved. Show me how to teach him--the way he needs to learn.
I'm at my wit's end, God. I don't know what I'm missing, but I know I'm missing something somewhere--otherwise we wouldn't be going through this. I don't know how to bring him back, how to bring out the good that I know exists in him. Please give me patience, so that I don't end up making it worse in anger. I just don't know how to break through to him. One minute he's got his arms wrapped around me, telling me how much he loves me and how I'm the best mother a boy could ever have... the next, I'm finding candy wrappers in his bed, stolen fixtures from a store, outright lies pouring from his lips, lying about stealing even my own money, God--not once, but continually, with no sign of letting up... and on the surface none of it seems so bad independently, but when heaped upon one another again and again and again and again, and knowing that this has been a constant struggle literally FOR YEARS, and seeing it get worse instead of better... it's overwhelming me. It is daily---and all day, God... why is he not getting it?? What am I missing?
Show me what I'm doing wrong so that I can help him. I don't know how to handle this, how to get him to stop hiding and lying and deceiving... how to get him to start caring. Do I just need to be more vigilant? Hound over him every moment? If that's what it takes, of course I'll do it... but I can't help but get the feeling that's just being a warden to him, beating him down further... when what I need to do is help him to learn that it's not ok to be this way, get him to want to be different, to want to be honest, to want to make the right choices.
It's hard to believe I'm talking about a little boy who is about to turn 7... sounds like I'm talking about a 17 year old. Something's just not connecting with him, God... please help it connect.
- Jess
