Juxtaposed...
That's how I feel... I think, lol. I'm feeling a lot happier than I have any right to. I had a really good night tonight. I didn't think I was going to, and then I got a wonderful surprise, and it turned everything around... It was more than I needed, and I'm so grateful for that. It was more than I'd hoped for, and it was good... heck, it was great! (And this is where I sigh contentedly...)
HA! I just came up with a new word: "Jaxtaposed"... or should I spell it "Jackstaposed"? Hehe... Ahh, life can be so strange. But as long as God is in it, strange is good.
On a much more serious note: Got some very bad news about mom today. All told, she has 48 hours to show marked improvement or she's not going to make it. The cancer has gone crazy, spreading itself all over. They know for sure that it is completely through her chest cavity (still waiting for reports on the lungs themselves, though), all through her bones, into her spine, and up into her neck. We knew this was a possibility, but things had just been looking so good, you know? But this is the most aggressive form of cancer out there, so we knew it this could happen. But the major problem now is that other body functions are tripping up. Her BP is low, her heart rate is high, her kidneys are not functioning properly, her incision site is infected... Unless these things normal out considerably, they can't treat the cancer (if they tried now, it would do nothing but kill her, due to the stress her body is already under).
Please, I beg you, please pray for my mother... pray that the pain stops, pray for peace for her... pray for wisdom for the doctors, and peace and understanding for our family... and if you can, please--PLEASE--pray for a miracle... pray that God touches her, and heals her. Please... I just don't think I'm ready to let go yet...
I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a downer, I really don't. My mother is my best friend... I live 2 blocks from her, for crying out loud... I see her everyday... I still call her for instructions every time I cook a roast (not because I don't remember...). She is such a blessing to everyone she meets. I just want God to leave her here a while longer.
I think I'm going to go lie down now... Physically, I feel better than I have since she was diagnosed, heh. But emotionally, I'm still pretty conflicted. Part of me is on cloud nine... another part is somewhere in the vicinity of the seventh layer of hell... and still another is sitting back going, "Um, Jack? What are we here, babe?" Thank you again to all those of you leaving comments (and those who aren't: you know who you are--get busy!) and emails. I'll reply to the emails in the next couple of days, I promise. Things are just kinda crazy right now.
Worship Him, praise His name, cry out your love for Him, even in the midst of a storm... especially in the midst of a storm.
-Jack-
