The Deep End of Jack's Pool (WARNING: VERY LONG POST)
Ok, I've decided it's time to give you another glimpse into Jack's Deep End. It's high time I give you a better understanding of who I am. So, here's a little something I wrote for a professor when asked what I learned in her Human Sexuality class (please believe me, I exhausted all other options trying to find some other class to replace it). The assignment was to be in response to a worksheet that required us to examine our own sexual histories. The last portion of the worksheet required us to rate the difficulty we had with completing the exercise, and then to expand on what we felt we had learned in the class:
"""""This exercise was fairly easy for me. All I had to to was think about the question and what happened in my past. I didn't have trouble remembering anything, I wasn't disturbed by having to think about the things in my childhood or sexual past. There was no pressure; no one knew what I was thinking except God, and He already knows all that.
I don't think I really learned anything about myself, persay. I mean, I know what I've felt and thought and done sexually, because I'm the one who felt it and thought it and did it. I know what happened in my childhood, I know what kind of home I grew up in, what kind of parents I had. I guess I just honestly don't know what I could have learned. Perhaps if someone had never thought about the fact that they never had a fantasy, and then they were asked if that fact bothered them, I could see how they would then learn that that isn't considered normal by some. I suppose there was really nothing for me to learn from this exercise.
Actually, wait just a second. I think you could say I learned that I know a lot about myself. I didn't realize that people wouldn't already know these sorts of things about themselves.
I don't think I'm at risk for future sexual problems anymore than I think I have them now. I guess I don't really take the same approach to these sorts of issues as many other people. I don't go around looking for problems or thinking about the likelihood of their occurence. I think my past does not dictate my future in the same way it might for someone else with a similar past. I think past sexual abuse is just that--past. I think past emotional or physical abuse is the same. I'm increasingly aggravated by people who use past issues in their life to excuse their current behavioral problems. I think every human being needs to take responsibility for themselves and, to be blunt, grow up. I'm not trying to be flippant or disagreeable, just honest. If I had a sexual problem, I probably wouldn't do a single thing about it. To me, sexual problems rank pretty low on the list of things that are important in life. That's not to say I'd refuse to address it if it became a true issue in my life, say if it were to seriously disrupt my marraige. But even at that point, I highly doubt I'd ever see any kind of sex therapist or something like that. I've just never been able to really respect that arena of science. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure they've helped do some wonderful things, but I think mostly all they really do is focus and propel a process that about 95% of their clients would have gotten to and through eventually without the help. I just think it's unnecessary and people today are using therapy and counselors and the like as a crutch, an excuse, a way to escape. I think people need to face up to the harsh realities of life and stop expecting everything to look and feel all warm and fuzzy all the time. I don't say this out of disrespect for people who see therapists, I say this from a perspective of personal experience. I've probably been through more in my life than most therapists hear about from all the clients on their schedule combined. But do you see me moping around, crying at the drop of a dime, expecting everyone around me to let me slide through life because I've had a rough go of it? Absolutely not and you never will. I didn't come to this attitude by spending half my life on a therapist's couch or even talking with a parent or youth leader or anything like that. I realized that life is too short to waste focusing on things you have no control over. Furthermore, I'd rather be admired than pitied. So I need to "suck it up" and get on with my life because I'm the only one who can do that. I'm sorry if I come across harshly, I just think it's a total and complete rip-off for the rest of the world when someone doesn't do precisely that.
I think the impact this course has had or will have on my life is to strengthen my own personal convictions and beliefs. It has given me some wonderful knowledge about STDs and the risks and dangers associated with sexual intercourse. It has given me a deeper glimpse into the mainstream concerning sexual views and values, and has taught me that I was not very far off in how I previously assumed our society held these things. It has shown me firsthand just how far off track we have gotten and that we, as a society, have no intention of getting back on yet. This class has taught me that I am abnormal because I am traditional. This class has taught me that family values have nothing to do with family anymore. This class has taught me that I have problems and issues that need to be worked out with therapists because I believe God created man and woman in such a way that they would marry and then reproduce. Funny, that's what the people who brought us to America in the first place believed too.
I will probably make a few small changes in my life as a result of what I have learned in this class. I will probably replace trust with fear. I will probably demand that my future husband be tested for all manner of diseases before we wed. While it is good to know beforehand, it's a shame that I feel I have to resort to those means to find out. Please do not take these statements the wrong way, Professor. They are not directed at you, but rather at my experience. And I gladly admit that I am a better person for having taken your class (though that may not be excerpted without using this entire paragraph and the one directly preceeding it, that it may not be misleading). But with each class I take, I learn more than just the material presented. I learn about myself, and sometimes even about those around me or the society in which we operate. I have learned some of all of that in your class, and I am glad to have had the experience. If nothing else, it has fortified my appreciation for the way I was raised and galvanized my ideas and my actions. Even if the process was often uncomfortable, the outcome was positive. And besides, the strongest of vessels is forged by fire."""""
So there's an idea of how I feel about our culture's take on sex vs. what I know to be right and Godly. Hope this helps. I don't post these things to start arguments or offend people. I do it so that perhaps someone who feels similarly might be encouraged to speak up where they were afraid to before. And if I happen to spark intelligent debate at the same time, then that, my friends, is just fine by me. Have a good night. And thanks for stopping by...
Love God... that means obey Him... even when it's unpopular.
-Jack-
