Done.
I am FINALLY completely moved out of my old house. YAY!!! Now I'm going to go pay all my late bills (I forgot to schedule the payments 2 weeks ago--argh, I hate late fees).
Got some bad news yesterday. Tate's been having trouble breathing at night. He tosses and turns, starts and stops breathing, wakes up over and over... Turns out his tonsils and adenoids (did i spell that right? i don't care enough right now to check) are (direct quote from doctor): "Completely out of control."
He has to have them removed. Insurance covers 80%... after a deductible... and recovery time is one to two WEEKS. All told, with lost work and all that, this could end up costing about $4000. I'm so totally screwed.
And people. This is my BABY. He's not even THREE yet and he needs SURGERY. I'm a wreck.
-Jack-
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Still Alive
I'm still alive. Actually, I wrote a long post the other day... Blogger decided that no one would be interested and ate it. I was seriously cheesed off. It was a bunch of little updates on how different things in my life are going. And I was so overcome with rage that I had no desire whatsoever to try to re-create it. So you'll just never know, will you? hmph.
Anyway. I only have a sec, gotta head back to work. But I wanted to check in and tell you to have no fear--Jack is still here. And still growing, too. :-)
Just Love Him.
-Jack-
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Summerland
Ok. It's so totally sad. I've only seen 2 episodes. I don't even know why I watch it, or how it appeals to me because some of it is so stupid. I'd never even heard of it before until I stumbled across it last week when I was bored. I don't even have cable, I just pick up a couple of channels with the rabbit ears my dad got me forever ago when I decided to forsake cable in order to spend more time doing things that actually matter. And now without an internet connection either, I have like NOTHING to do after Tate goes to bed. So I just flip around the 4 channels I get (spread all the way from channel 9 to channel 121. how stupid is that??). So at least I get Gilmore Girls again... And then there was this dumb show on called Summerland.
I'm. Totally. Hooked.
I don't even know why!! Egads. I think some of it has to do with the relationship issues that the main character is going through... at least I think she's the main character. I've only seen it two times and there are a TON of characters. Anyway... she says she has 3 kids... but I think they all call her "Aunt Ava" so I'm assuming she's their guardian, heh. At any rate, I guess she was in a relationship with this guy and they split up (don't know why) and they are still roommates (SO many people live in this house)... but anyway, she's venturing out and taking a chance and yet there's the ex in the background all the time. And EVERY time I see him I cannot help but think he is EXACTLY like Jason (Tate's dad). I mean: To. The. T. It's almost scary. He's really good looking, and you see these moments and you know he still wants her, but he's so stubborn, and then he'll forget about it and just be playing "grab-ass" (as my dad calls it) with some girls on the beach, and then Ava comes out and he sees her and he's like torn. I mean it's so pathetic, and so demeaning, and so so-many-things. And yet it's just like Jason, and I can feel my heart going out to the guy, like actually softening when he's having one of those love-lost-and-full-of-regrets moments, y'know when he's looking-longingly-at-her-while-she's-unaware kinda crap moments that are just so totally cheesy.
So yeah, I don't exactly get it, but I'm hooked on this show. And the season finale is tonight. So that's what I'll be doing at 9. At least I think it's at 9. I dunno, I'll just turn on the WB at 8 and be safe. :-) Heh...
Ok, I'll shut up now...
-Jack-
I don't even like TV!! I almost NEVER watch it!! What is up with me?
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I Could Hurl
I feel like I'm going to throw up. I have this horrible feeling of panic and dread washing over me. I just checked in with a really tough account I've been trying to win over... The 2nd biggest dermatologist in the country. Good friends with the biggest. Landing #2 would land me #1. Everything was looking fabulous, all the pieces were falling nicely into place. I had a few aces in my hand, and one of the other reps and my supervisor were taking a trip to their University at the end of last week and would be able to swing by and solidify the deal while they were on campus. The other rep called my doc's nurse to confirm their appt for a certain time. And then my rep wasn't able to make it... and didn't bother to call... and now my nurse is seriously cheesed off. She feels completely disrespected. I'm totally flipping PANICKED. I tried to reassure her. She did say that our service looks great and if doctor wants her to use us she has no problem whatsoever sending pts through us. But she also said that she will not ever speak with or agree to meet with that rep again. Translation: she'll speak with me, and possibly someday meet with me. Period. No one else. These two accounts would have been CAKE if they had just met with her. It would have been a done deal. And they are such large accounts that my income would have DOUBLED. I'm absolutely sick to my stomach over this. It's not the money, though that is nauseating in and of itself. It's that this relationship that I had worked so hard to build is now on the verge of destruction. This woman's life is such fast-paced chaos. I could have saved her HOURS of work every week. And she was *this close* to trusting me to do it. Now all of that could be lost.
I'm totally agonizing over this. AAARRRGGGHHH. Now we have to devise some kind of plan to gain her trust again.
I'm gonna go pull my hair out.
-Jack-
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It's All Good
Well, it's over. My household(s) and my family have all survived. Did a little minor roofing on Saturday and some yard clearing, but for the most part, the damage around here wasn't too bad. Though from the site of horizontal trees and green lightening on Friday night, you'd think things would look worse. Our area did take a significant amount of damage, but it doesn't look like too many people were hurt. Hundreds of thousands of homes are still without power, it will take some places up to two weeks to get their power back. We were lucky, our neighborhood came back up on Saturday afternoon, but we are one of precious few who have been restored since the storm. They have thousands of people from all over the country in here to try and get power restored. Please keep the workers and the people affected by the storm in your prayers.
We were on the west side of the storm as it came up I-4, so we lucked out. The eye pretty much travelled right up that highway. Typically in hurricanes, the worst damage is done by the northeast portion of the storm--so if you look at it like a clock, 12 - 3 is the strongest section. At any rate... It could have been a lot worse. They said on Saturday night that the initial damage estimate to the Orlando area is about $4 billion dollars... but they expect that number to climb, possibly significantly. I'm sure it already has.
So there you have it. We're alright.
In other news, work is in turmoil again. We just lost a very significant member of our work force, and I don't know what's going to happen as a result. So if anyone knows of any good job openings, send them my way---I'm keeping my eyes peeled in case things go south at work.
Hopefully I'll blog again tonight. God bless you.
-Jack-
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Here Comes Charlie
As many of you are probably aware, Hurricane Charley is headed for Florida.
As many of you are probably aware, I live in Florida.
Orlando, more specifically... Orlando is usually the place all the outlanders come (and disturb all us inlanders) when hurricanes head for the coasts. But Charley has decided he wants to have a go at them anyway, and is planning on chasing them right through Orlando, thereby disturbing the inland peace. So... Charley is set to hit us anywhere from early afternoon tomorrow to sometime Saturday morning. Charlie is already a category two storm with winds over 100mph. Transformers blow at 70. That's fun.
Schools announced closings this morning for tomorrow, and daycares always do what schools do, which means I'm staying home for lack of another means of care for my wee one. I may be able to post tomorrow, but I'm not betting on it--it's likely we'll lose power for quite some time. Hurricanes get their strength from water--once they hit land, they start to dwindle for lack of more water to suck up. But Florida has almost as much lake surface area as ground, so he may get a little boost here and there on the way. But in all honesty, he'll probably be down to 50mph winds by the time he gets here... Granted, that can still take a car off the road, but it's not like we'll take the full brunt of it. They are saying, though, that some of the lower lying areas of Tampa may well be under water tomorrow.
At any rate, I just thought I'd ask y'all to pray for us. Tampa probably needs it more than we do, but complacent comments like that are usually begging to be proven wrong. A smaller storm can sometimes do more damage to an unprepared city than a bigger storm to one that has prepared.
So anyway. Please pray for us. This is probably the biggest storm set to hit Orlando in a very long time. I won't even get started on the tornadoes that can spawn off of a menace like Charley.
So until I blog again...
Love God, love others, love life--and live it LOUD! Live and leave a legacy that points straight to Him.
-Jack-
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The Fog and The Circles
Sometimes I feel like there's this fog around God's will for me... Ok, let me rephrase that: there is a fog around God's will for me.
I think it's a fog of sin.
In fact, I think that's what God is just straight up telling me. I think this fog is made up of my sin, my will, my desires, my own plans, physical sin, spiritual sin, all of it... and I think it's that way for all of us. As I draw nearer to God, His light illuminates further all the things in my life that fall short of His perfect standard. And I think I'm going to be uncertain of His will for my life until He and I get together and clear up some of that fog. I have to surrender to Him. Entirely. That means I have to want His will for my life more than I want my cigarettes... there's a lot more to give up besides cigarettes, but that's definitely one He's pointing to right now. I can't tell you how many times I've said: "That's it! No more! I want God's will for my life more than I want these stupid flipping cigarettes!!" and thrown them in the trash... only to fish them out a couple of hours later when I couldn't take it anymore. I did it yesterday too.
I think part of what is so frustrating is that I am trying to do it on my own strength. But I can't. I really truly can't. I need God's supernatural intervention if I'm ever going to quit smoking. And He isn't going to do much with me until I do. He's made that clear. So God: HELP!!!
I've also been thinking a lot the last few days on the two circles of God's will. Well, I say that like it's some kind of established concept or something. But I just sort of made it up. I don't know, they say there are no original thoughts left, so someone else has probably already thought it up, but anyway... I've been pondering it anyway---God's "permissive will" and God's "directive will"... I want His directive will. Even though I'm not even always within His permissive will, I want to be only in His directive will. Only. But I can't get there. Only He can get me there. Seems like a conundrum, doesn't it? Some sort of catch 22... but it's not. I can't get there on my own power... but what I can do is surrender. Surrender... It's simple. But simple doesn't mean easy. Often the simplest things are the hardest. I have to die to my flesh... that's hard.
I'm having a lot of trouble lately (but not just lately) rectifying my current life with the life God wants for me to live. How do I live as I am called to live without neglecting my son? I don't mean to say that I would ignore him... But how can I as a single mother quit my job? Give up my home? Give up my car? I'm not saying God has specifically instructed me to do these things, but I would not be surprised in the least if He did not ask one or more of these things of me... What I mean when I ask those questions is how do I rely solely on Him without my family or my church thinking I'm an unfit mother? I've come to rely so heavily on the things of the world that I cannot seem to detach my rationale from them. I have debt, people... lots of it. I have $25,000 in student loans. Plus another $6,000 in credit card debt from when I was pregnant and jobless (boy that was fun--lemme tell ya, discrimination laws can be a joke). By most people's standards, that's excusable. That's normal. Hey, it was college education. Hey, you had to pay your bills! Etc etc etc... but to me, it's no excuse. I was living outside of God's will in BOTH instances, and now I'm paying the price. I've encumbered myself because I didn't bother to check His roadmap first. He never wanted me in college. He did a lot of things to get me out of it, but boy was I stubborn. Well, I've learned my lesson now. Don't butt heads with the Almighty Creator of the Universe... 'cause guess who wins? heh. Anyway.
So how do I live in His world when I've made such a mess of things in the world's world?
This leads me into another subject that the Holy Spirit has been urging me to speak up on. It's probably going to tick off a lot of people. I've touched on it once in a group, and it was actually really well received, just this past friday... but this post is already too long, so I'll save it for later.
Just to let you know, I still don't have internet access at my house. Trying to decide which course I'll take with it (cable internet, dsl, none, dial-up, etc). Finances being tight as they are just urges me to hold off a while longer. At any rate... feel free to sound off and give me your thoughts. I miss you guys.
-Jack-
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Um....
...that's just pathetic.
Ok, Lurkers. Just keep lurking.
At any rate... Things look to be on the verge of changing in serious ways for my church family. I'm really excited for it, I think it's going to be good (though not easy). But then you start to think about God's will and not your own... and yes, God will often give you desires, make His desire yours... But you know flat out that you still have WAY more flesh to kill before that becomes a liklihood in regard to desires that your heart is running down the track with.
Did any of that make any sense? Heh... at any rate. I just want God's will. I think just about anything even remotely resembling a step in the right direction would fall more under God's will than where we're heading now.
Anyway... of to music practice. We're going to be doing special music at the end of every service now, at least to try it out and see how it goes. This rather than trying to get them singing another song to close... As far as corporate singing to wrap up a service, fast songs won't work because their so lethargic from sitting for half an hour and it's just too abrupt a change, and slow songs won't work because then you send them out and on their way with a tragic, somber mood... I mean, I know both can work, I've seen them work, I've seen both ways work really well. But it's just not flying with my church family. They don't seem to handle either way well. So we're adapting. :-) This week, Chuck is speaking on becoming a church of health and healing. So I'll be singing Plumb's Phobic. Good song.
Just thought I'd tell you. Hopefully my posts will get a little deeper once I have my own internet connection again. Just bear with me! sorry...
-Jack-
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Sound Off!
That's right, boys and girls, it's time to sound off. Since I can't do much talking right now (and boy has God really taken this moment in time when I'm e-challenged to lay a lot of stuff on my heart! I'm itching to blog it.), you're going to have to fill my blog with words. What's happening in your life? What's new, what's old, what's God doing? Use the comments and let me know. If you can't comment, email me!
Dude. It's gonna take 48 uninterrupted hours of intense concentration and super-human physical prowess to put that desk together. It's a monster and it's complicated. Holy. Cow. So I may just hook up my computer and lay on the floor.
Pray for me in the coming weeks as some potential changes to our church family occur... and pray for each other too.
Love you all! But sorry: I love God most!
-Jack-
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Transient.
I am. At least for now. I'm in the process of moving to a new place. YAY!! FINALLY! (this is where you stop what you're doing, get up from your computer, and do a spiffy little jig for Jack)
Half my computer is at the old place, half is at the new, i've got a new desk to assemble (a BIG one) and I don't get power turned on in the new one 'til Monday. Soooo that would explain why I'm not posting much. Hopefully I'll have another post in a few days. I'm on Daddy's 'puter right now. My hard drive needs to be reformatted too---I may take it in tomorrow to work and have my IT guy do that. So anyway...
Just thought I'd update you.
Love God, love others, love life--and live it out LOUD! Live and leave a legacy that points to Him!
- Jack
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