Confliction
Am I the most conflicted person alive? I feel confliction in nearly every breath I take, it seems. And I'm even conflicted about how I feel about it (egads). Do I feel gloriously grateful because that means I can hear the Holy Spirit working in me? Or do I feel dejected because I can obviously still hear my flesh? And what about those moments of confliction when it seems that both sides are good but they are different? I'm just so conflicted, lol.
At any rate, don't mean to confuse you. I just have so many questions, you know? I've technically been a Christian since the tender age of about 7, but I so often feel like I'm just starting out, a baby, a new believer, because there is so much I don't know, so much to learn, so much I haven't done that I should have done years ago. On the one hand it's discouraging, that I've been a child of God for so long and have done so little about it, taken it so lightly... and on the other hand, it's exhilirating, because of my awareness of self and my ability to really absorb and analyze what I hear and see and learn, and then turn around and take action. It is because of the joy and excitement that I know God has me right where He wants me. I just wish He'd tell me where W/we're going next :-)
I'll stop for a bit. I may or may not post anything more tonight. Just not sure yet. If not, just an update on mom: the "infection" is not an infection after all... it's cancer. It's right there on the outside of her body. It is literally eating through her. Please... please, pray. I know I'm asking for a lot of prayer, but what else am I to do? I'm sorry... and thank you.
I need to go now.
-Jack-
