Despairing.
In a word, that's how I feel right at the moment... I'm just so tired. I'm so tired of caring. I'm tired of acting tough but having such thin skin... I'm so tired of taking to heart the things people say.
And yet, I don't know how not to. I can do a good job of appearing to shut it all out, but as soon as I'm alone, I'm vulnerable again. Afterall, it's just me and God, and I have no resolve when it's just U/us. I have no walls, no pretense... I'm tired of pretending to be tough, when in reality I'm so weak.
But I don't have the luxury of not being "tough"... I don't get to be weak while someone else looks out for me, because there is no one else. But I've only myself to blame. I'm alone because that's what I wanted, right?
Does anyone else go through this too? Please tell me you do, because I can't tell you how alone I feel right now...
-jack-
