Surviving...
I made it through the weekend, but not very comfortably. So I'm all about honesty, right? Yeah, sometimes I hate that. But here goes:
I drank my way through the weekend... well, at night anyway. Friday and Saturday, as soon as Tate went down, the screwdrivers came out. It may not have been the best way to deal with it, but I think I was just tired of dealing with it. I was a complete wreck on Friday. I probably had to run off to the bathroom at work at least 2 dozen times because I couldn't stop crying.
I feel like such a basketcase. I hate being emotional.
At any rate... I took this weekend off from my church. I was actually going to be driving to Montgomery, AL (where I was born, where mom is buried). But Tate still has a nasty cough and I didn't want to drag him around in a car for 18 hours in one weekend, so I cancelled the trip at the last minute. I'll go sometime in the next month or two when he's more up to par.
So anyway, I visited another church here today. It's called Northland. I've been once before, it's a great church, large, a lot of people I know go there. But I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt today that Northland is not for me. I really really liked the Senior Pastor. He was a straight-shooter kinda guy, good charisma, down to earth, great speaker. And real heart, y'know? But... there was just something about everything else but him that my spirit just said "No, thanks... not for me" to. I mean, it's not like I'm looking for another church, I just thought I'd like Northland more.
Honestly, it just felt very performed. We sang two songs as a congregation, and on one of them the key was not exactly optimal... and there were two other songs that were performed... I just... I don't know, I guess I feel like you should be able to engage more... but I guess it's hard to be that way with such a large congregation, too. Another thing I noticed was a distinct lack of passion or excitement of any kind... I remember thinking, when the worship leader was speaking at one point, that he sounds like he's giving a speech at a political banquet or something. They did announce, though, that this service (and subsequent ones during the next month or so) would be different. I don't know. It's a really great church, I know it is... it's just not for me.
I think God set it up that way, though. The message was basically on church, what it's supposed to be, community, connecting, etc. etc. He didn't get real specific in this message---I think he will in later ones. But it brought to mind and was right in line with a lot of what Paul Scanlan talked about at Hillsong Conference... about being planted in the House... the Northland pastor, though, focused more on this being it, the church. This is God's Kingdom on earth. Stop looking elsewhere for other answers. Stop having a "religious" side to your life and a "secular" side, etc etc.
So anyway. I think overall it was very good that I went... Reinforced some things. I just... I want believers to be raw and real... I want to see in my brothers and sisters a passion for God and His house, an excitement in them to be in that house together... Honesty and openness, no walls, no facades... I hope that's what we're building at Common Ground.
At any rate, now that you're thoroughly bored, I'll shut up. Though I will start posting again more frequently now. I really have missed the blogosphere :-)
Be real.
-Jack-
