Rough
Last couple of days have been rough for me... Not real sure why. I think there's just a lot hanging over my head right now, and rather than residing in the peace God provides, I'm wandering off and worrying about it all.
What I hate most about feeling this way, though, is not "feeling this way". It's the way I treat others when I feel this way:
Tink seems to have hit a snag with her house-training, and has had 4 accidents in the last 2 days... It shouldn't be that big of a deal, but I know I've been too hard on her about it.
Tate starts whining the tiniest bit and I snap at him. He tries to ask me a question and I get frustrated and tell him to go play.
The IT guy at work today had to stay late for some server maintenance. I had the nerve to hold him up by working late, and then had enough nerve left over to be rude to him about it. All he wanted to do was get home after an 11 hour day...
I hate this... I almost wish I at least wasn't aware of it so it wouldn't make me feel so rotten. But I know that we have to be aware of how we miss the mark before we can make the necessary corrections. God is showing me how I'm falling short... It just really really sucks that I put other people through my crap. It's not fair to them, and I can't imagine that it necessarily endears me to them...
I wonder if it's time I went to see a doctor... Might help if I got back on Zoloft for a bit again. I was on it before, just before I had Tate. My doctor considered me "high-risk" for post-partum depression... I didn't notice any difference in my mood until one day I looked back and realized I hadn't cried once in two weeks. I didn't have any problems going off of it either... I just ran out after a while and forgot to get the refill... no looking back. But now I wonder if I shouldn't see about getting back on it for a few months, see if it helps.
Ok, I'm rambling again. Talk atcha later...
-Jack
