Jack's Personal Growth Chart: 01.2004

1.29.2004

Another Brief Note

I'm playing with BlogRoll at the bottom... hey does anyone know where to find more template ideas?

-Jack-

1.28.2004

The Testlink Is No More

I'm finally getting around to putting up a supplemental site to my blog... it's still undergoing heavy construction and is not at it's permanent home (as I've yet to pick out a cyber-house), but it's there for y'all to critique... There are LOTS of broken links and missing links. I'm fully aware of those, thanks, lol. I'm interested to know what y'all think, though... what you like and don't like, things you think i should include or remove, etc... what's ugly, what looks good, lol.

anyhow... i'm SOOOOOOOOOOO tired... i really need to hit the sack. keep living it Up.

-Jack-

Post Script: yes, that picture really is "my world" - that's the lake I live on, it's literally in my backyard... lakefront property rules.

1.27.2004

The Reason I Asked...

Excerpted from Guide to Armageddon (very brief) by Eddie Fair:

(pg 6) "Ancient civilizations were known for worshiping the sun. They dedicated the first day of the week as the day of the sun: Sunday. They worshiped the sun, disregarding the Lord's command to worship the Creator of heaven and earth on the seventh-day Sabbath. Gen. 2:2-3, Exo. 20:8-11. Our civilization has chosen to honor the Sunday of the pagans instead of the Sabbath of the Creator. The fourth plague, the scorching heat, is to remind men of their wrong choice."

(pg 7)"Emporer Constantine wanted to unite the vast majority of sun worshipers within the Roman Empire with those of the growing Christian faith, taking advantage of the Festival of the Sun. Sunday observance was enforced by royal edict in 321 A.D. requiring townspeople to rest on "the venerable day of the sun." The change from Sabbath to Sunday was gradually accepted by the Christian community at the time. In "The Convert's Catechism," Second Edition, p. 50, by Reverand Peter Deiermann, he says, "We observe Sunday instead of Saturday because the Catholic Church, in the council of Laodicea (364 A.D.) transferred the solemnity from Saturday to Sunday." "

-----A little explanation before the next excerpt: the author suggests that a beast (as referred to in end-time prophecies in Daniel and Revelation, etc.) symbolizes a power, specifically a political one. In Daniel 7, there is a list of beasts/political powers and the author of this Guide to Armageddon further asserts that basically the beast described in Rev. 13: 11-17, the one "like a lamb" is the U.S., and the beast referred to before that as "like a leapord" in Rev. 13:1-10, is Papal Rome. Take a moment, if necessary, to read these passages and understand how the two beasts relate before you read on. I don't want to lose anyone here... And now we continue:-----

(pg 10) "Some day, in the future, the lamb-like power is going to make an image of the Roman heirarchy, the beast, becoming also a religious-political power, breaking down the wall of separation between church and state, to enforce the mark of the beast. Sunday observance will be required of everyone in plain contradiction of the seventh-day Sabbath ordaind by God on the first week of creation. Rev. 13:11-17. This decision, a choice of every mind, will serve to seal the people loyal to God, and to mark the ones following the church-state power, the beast."

(pg. 11) "In God's plans, a new world was to come alive for a different kind of beings: the human race. The Creator spent six days creating and ordering life on earth, but this was not to be completed without spending the seventh day with Adam and Eve, resting and developing a proper communion between them and the Creator, repeated each week, that will contiue forever. Gen. 2:2-3, Exo. 20:8-11, Isaiah 66: 22, 23. "

(next paragraph) "As long as Adam and Eve obeyed the law God gave them, for their safety and happiness, Eden was a real paradise. Satan could not see that happy reunion with the Creator every week, and watched for the opportunity to drag them down to break God's law and have them separated from God..."

(a few paragraphs later:) "About the center of the law (law meaning 10 Commandments) is the fourth commandment, Exodus 20:8-11, the command to worship the Lord on the seventh-day Sabbath; the royal seal of the Ruler of the law: his name, the Lord; his title: made (creator); his dominion: heaven and earth. Even under the usurped dominion of the adversary, the prince of this world, God wants to be among His creatures, be worshiped and (pg 12) recognized for who He is, on the memorial of creation and redemption, the seventh-day Sabbath."

(pg. 12, cont'd, next paragraph) "Satan knows he will be destroyed in his rebellion. His purpose is to drag down to destruction as many as he can of the human family that could be saved in God's kindom. The way is to teach men and women to break God's law, to break God's heart. The law is an expression of God's character. The Ten Commandments, which Christ came to magnify on the sermon on the mountain, show that God is love. You cannot separate the moral law from God, both are divine. Satan incites the world to repudiate, to do away with God's law; if not all commandments, at least one, the seventh-day with God. "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all." James 2:10. The world has no ears for God's admonition. Satan's selfish rules appear more pleasant and attractive. His method has won the world. The world has chosen Sunday, ignoring the Creator and His commandments. Satan will see that Sunday observance is enforced and made a mark of allegiance to his authority and to his agencies on earth. The great controversy is coming to the open. Men's minds have to decide between Saturday and Sunday, between life and death. And deciding which side they are going to take in the battle of Armageddon."

He goes on to reiterate the deception of the Antichrist. That people, who seem just like you and me, "strong believers", "devoted followers"... these people will be deceived and follow the Antichrist, believing him to truly be the Christ returned. But that the "remnant of God" knows how the Lord is coming... they are the only ones who have made the truths of the Bible a fortress for the mind, who have abided in Jesus, the Savior.

Whether you believe his ideas about Papal Rome and the U.S., you have to admit that there are some very serious implications here, and I, at least, feel some serious prayer and study is in order...

I think the reason this affected me so greatly and is causing me to yearn to know the truth of the Sabbath is because for as long as I can remember, from time to time, I have had that little niggling doubt... that small voice saying "but Saturday is the seventh day... Saturday is the Sabbath..." On rare occassion, there have been times when I've become physically ill while working on a Saturday and when it's happened, I've heard that doubt eating at my thoughts "what do you expect when you work on the Sabbath..."

I really would like your feedback on this. Please understand that there is no judgement intended in my assertion that Sunday set apart as the day to commune intimately with God is wrong. It's not a "you are bad because you do this or that"... it's more of a "wow, hold up, I think we're missing the mark on a very important bullseye here. what do you think?" sort of thing... please comment, and be open and honest. if you disagree, let's hear it. if i've raised the same concerns in you, i want to know.

thank you... i'm sorry this post was so long... I don't know about you, but I yearn to belong to the remnant of God.

-Jack-

1.24.2004

Remember the Sabbath...

Just a brief post... I'm doing some thinking and reading and praying... do any of you keep the seventh day (Saturday) holy? Why or why not? I'm gonna post more later, but I want your thoughts on it.

1.20.2004

Who Are You Dancing For?

If the world is your stage, who are you performing for?

I started a new book just a few minutes ago... The Divine Dance, by Shannon Kubiak. The turn of the first page brought me to tears. I hereby recommend it to any woman. I think it's intended for teenagers/young women. But it packs a powerful punch for all of us. I'll give you an excerpt here from the start of the book, pg. 11:

Setting The Stage:
In a busy, noisy world, a little girl walks onto a dark stage and begins to perform. She wears her pink princess costume with pride.

"Will you love me?" her actions ask. "Will you hold me; will you keep me close to your heart forever?"

The pain in her eyes screams at you. And with graceful pirouettes across the stage, she beckons you to choose her, to set her apart from the other performers, and to call her beloved. She has wounds buried so deeply beneath her costume that she has almost forgotten they are there. But the laughter of her audiences echoes through her mind as she thinks of all of the times she has tried and failed. All she has ever wanted is acceptance, but she has never found it--at least not for long.

Inside each of us is a desire to be loved, a desire to be chosen, and a desire to be called out of the crowd and loved for who we are. And seeking these desires, we all become performers, morphing ourselves into whatever role may earn us a place in the hearts of those around us. We constantly audition for affection, and once we have it, we feel we have attained perfection. We put all of our energy into our performances as we please our audiences however we can.

To become beautiful is the ogre's dream; to remain beautiful is the dream of the prom queen. But to be chosen is everyone's dream. What we fail to notice as we desperately dance is that One has never left His seat during our performance. Many audiences have come and gone, but this One, this Man, has sat there from day one and has never taken His eyes off the little girl in the pink princess dress. His eyes answer the questions her eyes ask; His heart satisfies the needs of her heart. If only that little girl would take the time to notice, if she would stop focusing on herself and what she has to do to be beautiful to the other audiences, she would see that she is already beautiful to this One. He has called her the beloved, and He is offering her an important role in His dance--the Divine Dance."

It was right where she spotlighted God, saying that One has never left His seat during our performance... that's what hit me so hard. That's what God has been trying to tell me, and I just haven't been listening. I've been too busy worrying about pleasing all the other people in my life. But that's not what I was created for. I spend my life trying to gain acceptance from and please other people... when I was created only to please God. As Shannon puts it in a phrase on page page 12: She has been missing the Divine Dance because she has been too busy dancing for men and princes to notice the King.

Ladies, I urge you to go find this book. I found it at Long's Christian Bookstore's Outlet. The paperback list price is $9... I think I got it for $3 or $4. I haven't even finished the introduction and I can say it's already worth it.

I'm gonna go read some more... I hope this touched some of you. And in the meantime, keep your eyes on the only audience that matters. Who are you performing for?

-Jack-

1.19.2004

Woops

I was just re-reading my last post, and I noticed that I wrote that that post had prompted some discussions... I meant to say that that ARTICLE had prompted discussions... looks like I'm tooting my own horn down there, lol. Sorry.

Anyhow... I don't really know what I'm going to talk about. But I just felt like I should blog. I guess I could always talk about my struggle of the day, heh. I'm having a very hard time figuring out how to get my father's approval and support for setting off down the path God has laid before me. By that I mean South Korea and Australia.

My father is startlingly and viciously hostile toward any mention of any portion of it. I don't know what to do. I know that I will follow God, and I have a real peace about that. If my father chooses not to accept that, to be bitter or cut me off from the family, etc, I can and will live with that, finding joy and strength in my God. But at the same time (and mostly because I'm a die-hard people-pleaser), I want to find a way to make him ok with this, to get his blessing, to have him be happy for me... if nothing else, I'd at least like his feeling to be not negative, if that makes sense... neutral, perhaps. I don't know.

Honor your father mother... and yet... man and woman will leave their families and cleave to one another. On the surface, there are Scriptures that seem to support both angles... But if you consider the application (and context of application) of the verses, it all seems to come crashing down in favor of going out and fulfilling God's plan for my life. Father's are told not to exasperate their children. They are to bring their children up in the ways of the Lord... i.e., he can't very well be angry with me if he's the one who taught me to follow God. I don't know, I don't want it to be like that. I don't want it to be some kind of argument that I win or dadgum courtroom drama. I just want my dad to stop thinking he knows everything and that i know nothing... all that matters is that I'm following God.

Here's a thought for today: God has placed a calling on each of your lives independent of anyone else's expectations or desires for you. Compliments of Mac... He told me that when we first met, before we ever even toyed with the notion of me coming over there...

God really is awesome... even in all this turmoil and uncertainty, God is so unbelievably awesome. And I love that, that He's so great, so... just... EVERYTHING that even when things around me are falling apart and stress is high and moods are low and life just seems totally crummy, I can still see how great He is, and praise Him in the midst of it all. I love to do that. I've only recently learned to do it, with sincerity. And let me tell you, it can change your whole perspective. He loves it when we do that. Try it. Next time something crummy happens and you are feeling really low, just choose to check out of it and go to God... take a good look around at the mess of life, and then consciously decide to look up instead and begin to praise Him.

K, I'm done for today, I think. Gonna hit the sack. My redeemer lives... wow.

-Jack-

1.15.2004

My Jaw Hit The Floor

I was totally and completely - truly - SHOCKED. Go read this and see if it doesn't have you saying "Are you SERIOUS?? Is this POSSIBLE??" There is something desperately and terrifyingly wrong with Christianity in this age, if this research is indeed factual (and since I've seen no contraindication, nor even nay-sayers to this study, I will assume that it is an honest and scientifically accurate body of work).

This is sad... but more so, this is scary. I mean, way down in the bones, keep you up at night scary -- or at least it should be. It is to me. You mean to tell me that, on average, only NINE PERCENT of born-again Christians have a Biblical worldview?

For the sake of those readers pressed for time and unable to read the article at the moment, I'll quote the definition of "Biblical worldview" used for this study:

For the purposes of the research, a biblical worldview was defined as believing that absolute moral truths exist; that such truth is defined by the Bible; and firm belief in six specific religious views. Those views were that Jesus Christ lived a sinless life; God is the all-powerful and all-knowing Creator of the universe and He stills rules it today; salvation is a gift from God and cannot be earned; Satan is real; a Christian has a responsibility to share their faith in Christ with other people; and the Bible is accurate in all of its teachings.

What happened?? What happened to Christianity? What happened to believing the Bible? Isn't that some sort of peripheral requirement to Christianity? (I'll post on that another time---I'm too worked up to focus on my explanation of that right now)

People, what is going on?? This is probably one of the most disturbing things my mind has ever taken in.

I'm going to have to pretty much stop there, because I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that, and figure out how it could possibly be... but I did want to let you know on a sidenote that this post has prompted some discussions on other blogs... when I post again I'll try to link some of the ones I found. It's started some great discussions about how we've moved away from discipleship. That's a very good notion, and I think hits a lot of the nails in this issue on the head, but not all. Ok, I'm going to go pray for a while now... Man, I just don't want to believe this... Wow, that's some serious stuff.

- Jack -

1.13.2004

DOES IT EVER END??????

Will he EVER leave???? ***insert Jack pulling her hair out by the handful***

Ugh. So yeah, the Sperm Donor is here. Ok, that's uncalled for, I don't have to be quite so "in-your-face", I can be more tasteful than that. So yeah, the S.D. is here... We had a bit of a blowout tonight. Last night when I got home from work, Tate was exhausted and literally passed out at 7:30pm, when he usually goes to bed around 9:30... Ok, fine, he had a good time with Jason, they played hard, etc... So tonight I get home from work (at 6:15pm) and Tate is so exhausted that all he can do is fuss and cry, and he passes out (again, literally) at 7:00pm... This is not a nice pattern I'm noticing. So I call Jason and tell him he needs to take it easy with Tate, keep in mind he's only 2, yadda-yadda-yadda... so what does Jason do? He hangs up on me. UGH.

Then he calls back, turns it all around and convinces himself that he's being the bigger person here, and tries to put me in my place. Nice try. All he accomplished was to get me angry enough that I had to literally chew my lip to keep from lashing out.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.

Ok, sorry, just had to vent there for a bit. Other than that, I've gotten some great news about S. Korea in the last couple of days. Mac and I had been playing around with a budget, seeing if we could afford for me to be over there without working (which requires completion of my bachelor's, which would delay things considerably, and cost several thousand dollars). It works, with an excess of $300/mo... pretty nice. Then his principal tells him (without solicitation) that if he gets married, he is paid an extra 4 million won a year (which is about $3500US)... WOW... so there's a big fat bonus in the budget... that takes it up to about $600 surplus per month... AND I just found out today how to get over there (the whole greencard/visa/whatever issue)... and it's a LOT easier than I thought it would be... a LOT lot.

All very cool.

Oh, yeah: We interrupt this broadcast to apologize to Amy for not blogging when we said we would. We promised to blog on Sunday night, but we didn't. We're sorry. Please forgive us. Thank you. We now return to our irregularly scheduled programming.

So life's a little weird right now... some totally awesome happy-happy yay stuff... and some totally awful angry-sad boo stuff. I'm full of extremes, it seems.

I think I'll wrap this up - my randomness posts aren't very comment-friendly. I want to post again tonight, something more thought- (and subsequently comment-) provoking, and if I write too much now, I'll be all blogged out.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMILY!!!! Amy's daughter, Emily, turns ONE today!! Yay!! and HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHAEL!!!! My little sister (the former druggie) turns 21 today... boy that's dangerous, huh? Heh... we won't go there.

Keep up the Good Work, peoples.

-Jack-

1.07.2004

"Sappy Girl-Post (and more)", Take Two

Yeah... I started this post about 2 hours ago. And then my browser got hijacked... repeatedly... and then they started loading software, and installing it, on my harddrive... added to that and the mad rush of computer-freezing pop-ups, i had essays on my desktop... i had really big letters in my browser... these evildoers even SENT an email i was, at the time, composing. So yeah... I'm not feelin' quite so sappy anymore. But, hey, I'll give it a go anyhow.

Isn't Mac the greatest EVER? He finally commented down there under the previous post. Yeah he's awesome...

And since I've brought up the last post... Now seems a good time to ponder just what happened down there. That is arguably the shortest, most pointless post in the history of Jack's Personal Growth Chart, and it gets 8 comments right off the bat. What is up with the universe? (credit Pheobe) Just made me laugh.

Yeah, most of my posts are pretty pointless lately. Nothing to really make you think. I apologize for that, I'll try to do better. But not now, because right now, it's 10:51pm and I'm really sleepy.

Just an update on a few things:
- Tate's fever seems to be going away (however reluctantly)
- I got my first doctor's office at work today
- I'm reading Every Woman's Battle
- Jason (Tate's... Biological Father) arrives Friday
- He's staying for TEN FREAKING DAYS... **insert gnashing of teeth**
- Mom is still in the hospital, and we don't know when she'll be home
- I'm still a smoker... unfortunately.

There, Jack's Personal NewsFlash. Perhaps next time I'll do an editorial piece... or maybe even a special feature! oooooooh, aaaaaah.

Whatever, I'm tired. Here's a verse that really struck me today, right straight to the core. I was truly shocked to find my eyes moistening with the depth of feeling it evoked (especially since I've heard it all my life): "Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you." This is a verse almost everyone has heard. One of my favorite old songs is "Give Your Heart A Home" by Don Fransisco, which includes this verse (paraphrased). And yet, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It came in a section of Every Woman's Battle where she was talking about discovering that God really can excite us more fully (and not to mention more righteously) than the ego-strokes and inappropriate attentions of a man. It's actually a really neat passage of writing. I hope no one minds, but I'll quote it here:
-----------------------------------

If you are thinking, No way will talking to God ever excite me like talking to a man, then you haven't allowed yourself to be courted by our Creator. The same God whose words possessed the power to form the entire universe longs to whisper into your hungry heart words that have the power to thrill you, heal you, and draw you into a deeper love relationship that you ever imagined possible. A guy may say that you look fine, but God's Word says "The king is enthralled by your beauty" (Psalm 45:11). A man may tell you, "Of course I love you," but God says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness" (Jeremiah 31:3). Even your husband may tell you, "I'm committed to you until death," but God says, "Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5).

Make time to retreat to a quiet place with the Lover of your soul. Speak whatever is on your heart, and then listen as God speaks straight from His heart directly to yours.
-----------------------------------

You go, Shannon Ethridge... thought that might appeal to some of you. It sure hit me.

Ok, I'm gonna hit the sack now. Au revoir, peoples. Keep living for Him, and try some of that quiet time with your First Love...

-Jack-

1.05.2004

Dude, Where's My Title??

Ok, bloggar officially stinks for me. Bye-bye, bloggar.

I'm trying out Bloggar... loverly. I don't know if I'll continue to use it. It pretty much seems useless. It's not like Frontpage or something, where I can just cut and paste and type and everything comes together all by itself. This is just the blogger on my hard drive... K, I'm not impressed. bleah.

So anyway... I'm toying with the idea of redesigning my blog template. What do y'all think? Should I? Or do you like it the way it is? I like the look and feel and flow, but my biggest beef with it is the size of the blog window. It just seems so small and narrow, so that a moderate sized post looks 8 pages long... not that I'm far from blame, since I can get pretty long-winded, but still... I don't know... Y'all decide for me.

And in the meantime, bless someone. Even if it's something small and seemingly insignificant... just an email to say you're thinking about them, or appreciate them... or a gift... or some words of encouragement. Show them God's love.

-Jack-

Time To Start Whoopin' Some Butt

Ok, people. My faithful readership has turned into a secret bunch of lurkers. 30 people viewed this blog between 3am (when I went to bed) and 7:30am (when I got up and checked my email). No one leaves comments anymore. What is that? I was actually just talking to Scott about that last night. We go visit all these blogs and just move on to the next without commenting. We've decided to try to do better. And so should you, my friends. We all know how discouraging it is to speak into the void and have no one speak back. Speak, I say! Speak!

Anyway. I'm home early from work today - daycare called, Tate had a fever, so I had to come get him and take him home. So he's sleeping now, and I'm a little bored, heh. I guess I could use this time to catch up on folding some of my laundry. I think I'm up to like 6 baskets now... woops. heh. Yeah well, one of them is all socks, and it's not like they have to be folded. And another one is stuff that needs to be ironed, so it's not like... ok, yeah, I know. But it's just so hard to care when there's no one to keep the house perfect for. But I'm going to start "practicing" again. Training myself to keep the house spotless all the time - especially putting away laundry, since that seems to be my major downfall, lol. I even got The Messies Superguide for Christmas... it's a book that will help me accomplish the goal.

I love books... Books are so awesome. I don't look like the typical bookworm, but I sooooo am. I inhale information like it's pizza, and I'm also one of those people who can read a novel from cover to cover without ever coming up for air. Right now I'm reading Every Woman's Battle. Goooood book. And Genesis. And Mothers and Sons. Yeah, I know, I do that too.

So yeah, Tate's not sleeping anymore. Now he's watching Winnie The Pooh and eating bologna by the slice... ...yeah, don't even try. I think we'll go to Super-Walmart tonight. That usually cheers him up.

Holy. Cow. I just thought of something. What will I do when I'm in South Korea and there's No. Super. Wal-mart?? Oh my goodness gracious. Holy COW. Do they have something similar there? I doubt it. Whoah. But hey, I can always go to Tony Roma's. Whatever. Sheesh. Ok, I have to stop thinking about that before I really start to panic.

This is probably one of the most random posts I've ever written. Hmmmm... Yeah, so I'm gonna go watch Winnie The Pooh now. T-T-F-N, Ta-Ta For Now!

-Jack-

1.04.2004

Ok, Help. Please.

I'm feeling really bitter right now... My flesh is going "Me, me, me! It's not fair!!"... how do I stop this? It's really really frustrating to sit here and have an internal argument with myself. Not to mention bizarre.

I know that these feelings serve a purpose... but they are not manifesting themselves in the prettiest way. Do I politely bring it up to the person who triggered these feelings? Y'know, something like "Hey, I'm really struggling with this decision you've made. Are you pretty set on it or can we discuss some other options?" Or do I just completely suck it up? I just don't know what to do.

Sam came over to me this morning and was like "What is his deal?? Why is he doing this? Man, Jack, you're really handling this better than I am." And I just thought... "Ok, one: No. No, I'm totally not. I'm FUMING. I'm just trying to ignore it, that's all... and two: please stop talking about it, because I don't need anyone else inciting me to any more resentment right now." All I said was "Nah... but I'm trying."

I really don't know what to do. This sort of thing has happened one time before... and I did question the decision-maker and his motives... He basically blew smoke up my mic-stand. I know his motives are not right this time. And the decision is completely unnecessary, regardless. AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

This is really really really frustrating. I don't know what to do. Please throw out your ideas on it. Ok, I'll shut up now.

I'm trying to think of a song to apply to this right now... lol. Like "You have turned my frustration into dancin'... you have turned resentment into joy!!"... Anyway. Live loud.

-Jack-

Jack's Personal Growth Chart