Nothing but despair...
I've found nothing to write about... ok, so I didn't really look all that much. I just saw an article about a baby that was revived after having been pronounced dead... drowning accident. I'm so glad that the baby survived... but all I could think was "How on EARTH could a 20 month old baby get into a pool on a lovely friday morning with no one aware??? Has the mother lost her mind??? Why wasn't there a pool fence??? Has no one any sense around here??? If you've got a baby and can't safeguard the pool, Then. Don't. Have. A. Pool... Is it that hard??? Are we more concerned about our status than our CHILDREN???"
I admit that's rather harsh, but it just mortified me. Install some stinking out of reach locks on your doors for crying out loud. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so hard on people... but as a mother, that just horrifies me... I can't stand the thought of taking chances with my son's safety.
So on that thought, despair started setting in... Satan loves to wheedle into my head when I've had any kind of negative thought or heard any negative news. And now I'm all depressed about wanting to go to HILC... It seems so hopeless... I don't see how I'm going to come up with the $75,000(US) it's going to take to cover getting out of debt, getting there, and staying there to study for two years as a single mom. UGH! Frustrating and hopeless...
But then, I suppose, I'm not supposed to "come up with it". If it falls within God's will, He'll provide the way. All I have to do is follow Him, and do as He says.
Which brings me to another struggle... I've been struggling with having faith lately, and hope... It's like I'm afraid to hope, y'know? Like "Ok, Jack, don't get your hopes up, just be realistic." Could someone please point out the scripture that states we should "be realistic"? How is this stuff getting in my head? I know it's stupid... it stems from fear. I trust God, but I don't trust others, or anything in the world it seems... and that's causing me to act out of fear.
God did not give me a spirit of fear, but of love, and of power, and of a sound mind.
I'm gonna go now... I need to do some serious praying.
I love you all, I really do. Leave me lots of comments, it really brightens my day. And I love getting your emails too. Remember: God really does love you. You are a son or a daughter of THE KING... The One and The Only... The Most High... You are His CHILD. You don't have to know the plan He has for you, because He does. Just go with it.
-Jack-
