So tired... but so in love...
...with GOD!! I'm really really really tired, but I just have to stop and tell you guys just how awesome God is... oh, and faithful! Boy, is He faithful! He's been so incredibly gracious over the last year... from preparing our hearts, to comforting us, to sustaining us, to lifting us back up again... it's amazing. I mean, seriously... my mother DIED four weeks ago... wow, four weeks ago today, i just realized that... she's dead. she's gone. it's over. i no longer have a mother. and this is not some distant woman i saw twice a year now that i'm grown. i live in the same neighborhood, i saw her EVERY DAY... she was the most amazing woman (and she was ALWAYS right, go figure)...
but it's weird (and kinda scary)... i'm not mourning... i find myself wondering a lot, about precisely where she is (not "is she in heaven??" lol, more specific than that) and what she's doing, and things like that... and of course i have intense moments of grief, but they are just that---moments. i am so blessed!!
and things are really opening up for korea and Aaron... oooooooh woooooooow!!! did i tell you?? he's flying over here for spring break!! shhh, don't tell his parents, though. they'll be really cheesed off if they find out before he's done it that he came back to the states and didn't see them (they're all the way over in KC). at any rate! i'm so excited!! God just totally threw open those doors! it's so awesome!
the more i seek Him, the more i find Him. did you get that? i'll say it again: the more i seek Him, the more i find Him. You guys, I'm not just paraphrasing Scripture---it's the TRUTH OF EXPERIENCE... it's really truly TRUE. it's really truly REAL. it really does work that way! oooh, He's just so unbelievable... He's unchanging, unfailing, everlasting, holy, righteous, just, loving, gracious, merciful, AMAZING... and this God, this unbelievable, unchanging, unfailing, everlasting, holy, righteous, just, loving, gracious, merciful, AMAZING God sent me His Son... and killed His Son as a sacrifice for my sins because He loves me... i cannot fathom that depth of love... the closest i've come is in loving Tate... i think understanding that depth of love would kill me. i mean that. i think my mind would just shut down and i would die of heartbreak... we aren't meant to fully understand it, really truly fully grasp it, yet... our bodies, our minds, can't handle it... but i'll strive to understand it and appreciate it to the best of my ability for the rest of my life...
oh, people, He's just so mind-blowing... how can i sit here and think about getting satellite tv and cable internet and wondering what i'll wear to work tomorrow when there are so many people i could be loving... so many ways i could be loving God? so many ways to serve and to minister and to touch and impact and love...
He's just so awesome.
-Jack-
