Mom's Style (Part Four)
It's Tuesday night... I went home... I went to bed... I'm just assuming here, because pretty much anything outside of the hospital is a blur. I'm assuming I went to my house to sleep.
Oh, ok. I just scrolled and read my post from the 10th. Tuesday was the day with all that social worker/hospice/TPN you-know-what that even now makes me want to curse.
So anyway... I went home (and blogged obviously) and went to bed.
So now it's wednesday... the day... well, I didn't know it was the day, but you get it. whatever. anyway. I got up and got Tate ready and went in to work... We figured with as nicely as mom seemed to be bouncing back we at least had a few days. So I went to work. I could beat myself bloody for going in. I was there for about 2 hours... I called Dad on my morning break, just to check in and see how she was... He said not so good. She's getting more and more morphine, she's on a constant drip now and can have an extra shot every 30 minutes, etc... she's not responding again... I don't remember exactly what he told me, or exactly how she was at the time we talked... I just knew I wanted to be there... I asked dad what he thought I should do, and he told me she's resting, and that he thought it was probably ok to try and work, that I need to for Tate, but he told me to do whatever my heart told me to do. That's pretty much all it took. I went back to my desk, gathered my things, and told my supervisor I had to go.
I went home, grabbed more cigarettes, I think I stopped in to Tate's daycare and told them I may be late picking him up... I know dad called and asked me to buy some kleenex's and something else... I don't remember what. I bought Kleenex, and some cookies, and a couple of other things... I don't remember. I wish I remembered, I want to remember, why can't I remember?? I bought 2 travel etch-a-sketch's, in case the kids had to be up at the hospital for any length of time... i don't remember what else i bought up there... it was Wal-Mart...
After that, I stopped by Family Christian Stores and bought 2 more Hillsong CDs and the Hope video (VHS). I made sure Heather had her car tv/vcr combo up there, so that I could show mom the video... I thought it might help... it did... but not the way I had hoped...
But I'm getting ahead of myself...
Ok, time to stop. I'm sorry this is taking so long. Every time I sit down and try to write this out, I just can't. I avoid it, or I start and just have to stop. I'll get it out. I'm sorry.
-jack-
