Mom's Style
It was just like her, the way she went... Get everyone distracted, laughing with one another, loving each other... and then quietly slip out the back.
Monday, Feb. 9th, 2004. I went in to work as usual, and sometime during the morning, my father left a message on my cellular. I didn't notice it until I left for lunch around 2. So I check, and he's telling me that the doc called him and told him mom's not doing well at all, and if she doesn't pull out of this, she's not going to last more than a couple of days. We had heard this once before when she was in ICU. She was basically comatose, not responding to anything, really... Last time, they believe it was caused by overmedication and medication interactions. They thought maybe that's what this was. At any rate, I turned around and headed straight for the hospital and sat with her for about an hour and a half. We worked out a plan for the remainder of the day. Kathy and Rob were both flying in that night (mom's brother and sister), and Heather (my sister, mom's oldest) would be arriving the next day. Our brother Buddy (2nd child) was on call. Dad figured he still had some time, and Buddy had a lot of important meetings over the next couple of days.
I felt compelled to play mom some worship music that evening, so before returning to work, I went home, burned a copy of Hope, and grabbed my cd player. I finished out the afternoon at work, picked Tate up, stopped at McDonald's and got him a double-cheeseburger, only ketchup and mustard, a value-size fry, and an apple juice and we headed off for the hospital. Dad took over from there, taking Tate with him to go pick up Kathy from the airport. Rachael (4th child---I'm the third if you haven't caught on by now) went off to an AA meeting, after which she was to pick up Rob from the airport.
As I sat with mom, I started playing her some music. She began to respond somewhat to the music and my talking. After a while she became mildly coherent and asked a couple of questions, almost as one does after a dream, expecting the other person to know what they are talking about. At any rate... she was halfway coherent for a few minutes, then went back to sleep. Dad called my cellphone somewhere in there and told me he'd be sending Kathy up with Ben (the 5th and youngest) when he got back. He was not going to come with them, but rather try to get some sleep. I was to let Ben stay for just a couple of minutes (he's pretty sensitive and this would shake him up considerably), and then bring him home and come pick up Tate and get myself to bed, because the next few days could be very long. Kathy and Rob were taking the late shift and staying with mom through the night.
After a while, a nurse came in and gave my mom her blood thinner shot, and then the respiratory therapist came in and gave her a breathing treatment. Around 8:45pm (I think) Mrs. Felsing called. She's a good friend of mom's, really great woman, a major help over the last 2 weeks. She called mom's room phone, right next to her bed, so I couldn't walk over to the window like I had been with other calls that came in to my cell. She's asking all sorts of questions, and I didn't really think about mom hearing, but I told Mrs. Felsing that dad wouldn't be coming back up tonight, blah blah... Mom heard me, and got really upset, woke up, started crying, saying she wants dad to come... I mean, she was REALLY upset. All of the sudden, she is violently coherent and she's begging me to get dad to come up and see her, saying things like "I want him here, I want to say goodbye, this could be my last chance, etc." I promised to call him and get him up there if she would promise to stop talking like that. So I called dad. He didn't think he should come, he sent Kathy and Ben, and then she had me call dad again, and she wanted to talk to him. She took my cellphone in her hand and talked on the phone to him. Later, Dad told me it literally knocked him into his chair... That she spoke so animatedly and everything, and that she was that awake. He hadn't seen her like that in days, she hadn't said a full sentence, and here she was on the phone with him, initiating conversation. Anyway... They said goodnight, and he promised to come up first thing in the morning. Mom stayed animated and coherent and all that for a good two hours or more before she wore out and went back to sleep. She talked a little with Ben and with Kathy, she did a lot of talking with me before they got there. Telling me to take care of Ben, asking me if I'd be able to sing at her service if she died... picking out the song she wanted me to do... making me promise that the kids (ginny beth and tate) wouldn't be there... telling me to live for God, always, no matter what... that I may be the only Jesus some people ever see. It wasn't all about what to do when she's gone... but that's what sticks out the most in my mind. We laughed and joked some... but she cried a lot... she was scared. Probably mostly for us, but I know she was scared... She told one of the nurses how great dad had been to her... through all this, and all the work he put in, dressing her wound and having to help her go to the bathroom and everything, he never got mad at her, he was always so wonderful to her, so gentle with her... it was very touching... and then she started asking me to sing to her... she was crying and begging me to sing anything... so i put on "sing with the angels" and i sang it over and over, and she kept telling everyone how wonderfully i sing for Jesus... but i didn't sound so good because i was crying...
i need to stop. i really need to stop for now. but i'm going to finish this. i'm sorry, you'll just have to bear with me, or quit reading, or whatever, i don't care. i'm going to do this, i need to. i'm sorry if it upsets or disturbs or aggravates anyone, but i have to do it. i'm stopping for the night, but i'll continue to record this and only this until it's done. for those of you that will bear with me through this, thank you...
-jack-
