Mom's Style (Part Three)
As Monday night turned into Tuesday morning, mom was still awake, still alert, almost her old self... she drank some water, ate some ice... she drank diet coke, even ate some lime sherbet (the first time she'd eaten a bite in over a week, I believe). Our spirits were beginning to soar, to be quite honest.
I came home around 2am, promising her that I would return first thing after I woke up. Dad and Ben went home when I did, Rachael stayed a little bit longer, and Rob and Kathy stayed through the night. I had a restless night on dad's couch, and Tate didn't fully fall back asleep until after 4am. He woke me with fussing at 6am--he had somehow found a pincushion and was poking his hands with pins and then crying about it. Ugh... At any rate, after a few intermittent hours of sleep, I got up, showered, got him dressed, and took him to daycare. I then took myself up to the hospital.
I stayed with mom all day. Dad had already been there a while when I got there, and Kathy and Rob went back to dad's house to get some sleep. Ben was at school, Rachael would stop in for a while between this and that, running to meetings and whatnot. Dad had a number of errands to run as well, going to the bank, meeting with insurance people, hospice people, all that.
Something else I forgot to include as I was writing previously: while listening to the Hope CD, mom remembered that we had watched the DVD on Christmas morning. She really liked it, and mentioned that she "would have liked to have seen it one last time." Anyway...
So I was with mom all day, largely alone. She asked me to stay with her when they changed her wound dressings, which was unusual. She took it better than ever before, though, when I was there. I don't know if that was because she was comforted by my presence, or because she was being strong for my sake. Regardless, it's extremely painful. Twice during the day, she stood up. She sat up probably a dozen times. At one point, after having her wound dressed, and while the nurse was retrieving clean bedsheets and a new gown, mom sat up, naked, and had me sit beside her, so that she could rest against me. She had had a pain shot before the process, as usual, and was sluggish... she dozed, sitting up like that, slumped onto my shoulder... It was a strange moment for me. Touching, humbling (in a good way), sad... but I am also honored to have been able to serve her in that moment. I can't explain it, really... I just needed to say it.
Heather arrived, with Ginny Beth, in the late afternoon, early evening. Heather was shaken up by mom's present condition. She just had to catch up to the rest of us, emotionally. That was probably the first time Heather had seen her with an oxygen mask. I barely noticed, because it had become a permanent fixture since Monday morning. But still, things looked to be improving. Mom had refused a breathing treatment in the early afternoon, but about an hour and a half to two hours later, I demanded that she be given one, regardless. She didn't like them, for reasons unbeknownst to me. But her breathing became so noisy and labored as she slept that I didn't care if she sat up and socked me, she was getting a treatment. She slept right through it and never noticed, heh... And it was like a miracle. I mean, it really truly was. Like a completely different person lying in that bed...
Once Tuesday night hits, my brain gets a little fuzzy on details. I had gone home to pick up Tate from daycare and get him fed and whatnot. I'm pretty sure I took him up there for a while. Let him kiss Gammy and all... Then I guess I must've gone to Dad's house and put Tate to bed. I think I had Heather listen for him as she was winding down (she'd had a long road trip and needed to sleep). So I went back up to the hospital... no, wait. I had Rachael listening for him. Because Heather and I were at the hospital together that night. She got tired and left before I did. I sat with Rob and Kathy for a while. They said that she had gotten a very large dose of morphine just a little while before we arrived. Mom was resting very peacefully, but I was uncomfortable with the amount of morphine she had been given. I felt extremely uneasy about all of that from the very beginning.
But anyway, Rob and Kathy and I sat around laughing and talking for a while (Mom, Rob, and Kathy, when all together in the same room, are the FUNNIEST people you've ever heard, and I'm not exaggerating.), and then Rachael called up and told me, basically, that dad wanted me to come home and get Tate and go to bed. I was going to be going to work the next day. So I went home...
Well, at least this time it's not emotions forcing me to stop. It's just really late, and my body is worn out. This will undoubtedly have another few "parts" to it before I'm through... Thank you for all of your encouraging words and prayers. Thanks for sticking it out with me.
I don't need you to take it away... I don't need you to walk away... I just need you to walk with me for a while.
-jack-
