So I Went...
It wasn't great... It wasn't horrible... it was more of a "testing of the waters" if you will. To which I was told that I need to either get in or go home.
Well, she didn't say it like that precisely, but that's basically what she meant. She's right, though. Most of the people she sees are desperate to be there--lives falling apart, marriages crumbling... and with that desperation comes a willingness to open up, to do anything it takes to end the pain or the suffering or the misery, whatever it takes to heal. She's not going to waste my time or hers trying to get me out of the hedges. She can't help me unless I let her, and that requires opening up and actually wanting to be there and wanting to deal with my crap.
So I guess I'm going to... or I'll try anyway.
Her analysis of me? I'm emotionally dead (well, earlier in the session she said "emotionally detached" but by the end, she actually said "emotionally dead"). I loathe anything I perceive to be weakness. And there's a lot of stuff from all my crap/baggage that crops up all the time to affect me in ways that I'm not even aware of. But I can learn to recognize these things, and analyze them... The good ones we'll leave alone, and the bad we'll deal with.
So I went... So I'll go back. But I'm taking a week off before I go back. Hopefully that'll give me some time to settle into the idea of actually doing what is required if I hope to gain anything from this experience. And it'll let me go to the worship night next week with Hillsong United. Very cool.
- Jack
P.S. - She didn't even have a notebook in the room!
