Spittin' Mad
As my grandma use to say, anyhow... Can I just tell you that I have come to abhor drama. I despise it. I'm so incredibly sick of it. Are we, or are we not, adults? See, because I thought we were. My bad, apparently.
I have this friend... or at least, that's what I considered her. It's L, the one who got upset that I called her husband's cellphone. At any rate, I've always gone out of my way for her, to be a good friend, to help her, to be there for her. I've physically gotten between her and her not-so-nice husband at least half a dozen times when he's gotten angry with her in my presence and raised his hand to her, I watch her kids at least every other weekend (usually for free but sometimes they'll offer to pay, which is nice), when we go shopping together, I'll buy her things that I know she wants but that her husband won't let her spend the money on, I've given her a number of items that they had need for...
I mean, I know that doesn't necessarily classify me as a good friend, but it's just an example of the kind of friend I am. I'm a people-pleaser, I need people to like me, to want to be around me (I know, I know---I'm sick. Whatever...). At any rate, I've never been confrontational with her, I've never been pushy or tried to get my way in things, etc etc etc.
So yeah... I just learned the kind of person she really is. And I now have, unequivocally, her official opinion of me. She, apparently, has been telling people that I'm sleeping with the Buddhist. She is actually telling people this. I'm. Really. Ticked.
The person in the other half of the duplex I live in is a bit of a "burnout"/didn't make much of himself/smoked too much pot in his youth/doesn't have many friends kinda guy. He's always been nice to me, I've been nice to him, I make it a point to be friendly and have conversations with him whenever I see him, etc. Well, that night that the Buddhist and I sat on my front porch talking til the wee hours of the morning, my neighbor came out at the butt-crack of dawn and saw us sitting there talking. Apparently the next day, he told M and L that we were having sex all night long.... L called me up, asked me about it, I told her no stinkin way, I told her exactly what happened.... Well, apparently she takes my crazy neighbor's word over mine... Obviously his is more juicy, so let's just go with that... nevermind whose reputation we're screwing with, or whose lives we could be wrecking. It's more exciting to think that good little Jack was screwing on her front porch at 4am. Truth be damned!!
This was WEEKS ago, people. This front-porch stuff was WEEKS ago. Well, this past Saturday night, while I'm once more babysitting her kids for her, she tells a friend of hers that Jack and the Buddhist are sleeping together. And then her friend, out of concern, of course, calls up the Buddhist's live-in and tells her... And now this whole ridiculous circle is all in an uproar.
I am so done with people. I'm not just done with guys, I'm done with girls too. I'm done with "friendships" and really trying. I'm done with reaching out to people and trying to make a difference for them, trying to help, trying to be there for them. It just isn't worth it. I'll invest only what is necessary---but I will no longer invest myself, my heart, my feelings. This is so ridiculously immature it makes me want to vomit.
I'll ask again: are we, or are we not, adults??
Ugh. Ok, thanks for letting me vent. I gotta go back to work now.
