Nudged Into The Not-Good
I'm in a place, a not-good place. I'm still on the edge of it, so I'm hoping that I can cross back over in time before I get stuck here...
There's been a lot going on with regards to my church family lately. A lot of struggles, some serious spiritual battles that I think most of the body is not even aware of. The Holy Spirit has revealed heaps and heaps to me, and long story short: I've been to afraid to speak up about it. And I've put it off for so long that I'm venturing into that heart-place of not caring anymore, and wanting to shut it all out---not the Holy Spirit, but rather my church. I don't want to do things I'm asked to do or participate in things, etc. I know the way out... but I'm afraid. One good thing about this not-good place, though, is that the not caring may actually help me to do what God has called me out to do, because caring about what they think is where the fear is coming from.
I need to just suck it up and obey my God. That's the bottom line. That's all that matters. Obedience to God. Who cares if I'm asked never to come back? I serve God, first and foremost. And I know exactly what He wants me to do. He's made it very clear. A little of my fear though is straight from the Enemy, trying to make me second guess the Holy Spirit, whispering things like "maybe you're wrong, maybe that's not what He wants... how can you be sure?" Seeds of doubt... No way, Satan.
At any rate, I'm just thinking out loud. I just want to obey God. So if you're trying to come up with something to pray about (heh...), I could always use some strength, resolve...
More later... Gotta run.
-Jack-
