Insecurity And It's Big Ugly Head
I'm working on it. I so desperately seek approval from other people. Why is that? If you have any ideas, let's hear 'em.
It is not a bad thing to want to please other people, to want to serve others and make them happy and help to fulfill them. But when their attitudes and opinions and feelings toward me become my measuring stick of self-worth, then I have a problem--right? God calls us to die to ourselves and to serve others... that is no problem. But my motivations for doing it are NOT always Godly. This is not good.
I'm just sort of starting out with this whole process, so it'll crop up from time to time, just to warn you.
Sometimes, though, I get really sick of internal examination of self. Sometimes I just think to myself "Ok, Jack, enough of this junk--would you stop thinkin' about it so much and just go LIVE for God already?" I know that these processes can and often do help tremendously, but so does action. I'm just notorious for over-analyzing nearly everything in life or in my head (real or perceived), and I get tired of it... and I know other people get tired of it too...
Ok, see, there I go--that last sentence was a direct manifestation of analyzing a personal assumption that other people even CARE about my analytical excess, let alone are bothered by it... see what I mean?? If I don't think, then I'm not insecure. It's when I start thinking and analyzing and overanalyzing and overanalyzing some more that I start feeling uncertain and then insecure. And it almost ALWAYS deals with other people's feelings about me, or at least my perceptions thereof. Dude. What is my DEAL? ugh...
Did any of that make sense at all to anyone? LOL, reading back I can see how it might not... All I can do is hope that it does, and that someone has an insight or two to share.
Take care, folks... and be secure in God's love.
-Jack-
