HILC-Bound...hopefully
You just don't have any idea. At all. It's like a disease, this urgency I feel. God is keeping it at the forefront of my mind... more so than anything else I've ever experienced in my ENTIRE. FREAKIN'. LIFE. Most things I've wanted to pursue have subsided to a "glowing ember" within a few days of inception, but this... this is something else entirely. I LOVE IT! It's like I'm feeding off the longing as it feeds off me. If nothing else at least I'm praying more, lol. God will probably tire of it soon. And it's renewed my passion for music and for God as well, though I hate having to admit that my passion for either had dwindled. It's certainly keeping me fresh. I'm praying all the time, I wander around the theater singing worship songs, lost in my own little world--at least that's how it looks to other people, lol. God knows, though. ;-)
It's like I want to just throw off all the crap I seem to be mired in. All the petty nonsense that constantly takes up my time and attention... things that don't matter. Perhaps this is my sloughing-off time. Who knows but God? I just feel like I'm wasting so much time... as though I've been wasting my life, literally... and I'd love to just chuck it and start fresh (well, not all of it, lol---can't throw out the kid). But you know what I mean... just erase the past and the baggage and all the little things I have my fingers and toes glued into right now... Just pick up and GO FOR GOD. UGH. This is frustrating.
Ok, I'll stop for now.... but one more thing... I don't know who you are, but you do. God's watching, all the time. Don't be afraid of that (rather, take comfort in it--and in Him). Be afraid of what you've done, and what it could lead to. He's the one who'll save you from it. Let Him.
God bless y'all!!
-Jack-
