Sorry! (and updates)
I'm sorry it's been so long. Things are just hectic. Usually I count on my lunch hour to come home and blog a bit, but I've had to split my one hour into two half hours in which I go up to Tate's daycare and give him his medicine. I haven't had any time at all. Next week, he should be much better and not need the meds anymore.
Thanks again, guys, for all the prayers and support.
Tate and I will be participating in the MS Walk tomorrow evening out at UCF. My boss has MS, and it's one of the disease states that I manage at work, so we're getting involved. I only raised about $250 though. I'd hoped to get more, but it was really difficult to find time to get out and get pledges with Tate recovering and all. But anyway.
I've been running on fumes the last week or so. Y'know that feeling when you've been up for like 24 or 36 hours and you feel all lightheaded and foggy? Yeah, that's me. Tooootally.
Oh, and that guy I talked about before? He wasn't there on Friday (no, I didn't neglect my recovering child on a friday night for my own pleasure---the poker game is at the house next door). But something very interesting did happen. We were just sitting around talking (they were drinking and talking, but hey). All of the sudden L blurted out a question along the lines of "why are you calling my husband all the time??" I'm like "WHA????" She was talking to me!! It was all sort of surreal, but basically, the alcohol loosened her tongue to the point where she had the nerve to ask something that had obviously begun to bug her of late. I was truly shocked that she thought this about me. I'm one of those people that is just ridiculously formal about things like that. People tease me and tell me I have these rule and etiquette books in my head. I have NEVER tried M's (her husband's) phone until I have tried hers. EVER. So I'll try her cell. Then I'll try her again usually. Then if I still don't get them, I'll call his. If no one answers, I go back to calling hers and that's the one I try until I get ahold of them. (yes, we have very bad signals, lol.)
At any rate, she apologized for being so brash about it, but admitted that she really did feel that way. So I deleted her husband's phone number from my phone while she watched. She promised me that she felt that way about everyone, and I know she does, but I thought that I was different, that she could relax around me. I knew about her insecurities, I know what caused it (an affair 2 years ago between her husband and her best friend). I was always extra careful, on purpose, because I wanted her to have someone that she could trust, that she didn't have to be worried about...
Apparently I failed. It's still eating at me... So if you think of it, pray for L. She needs strength... comfort... security.
So yeah... that's what's been happening. As far as my own personal state right now, I'm just tired... and I've been asking God for patience lately. I'm too easily riled up right now, and not in a good way. I'm quick to anger, and I don't like it. But I'm learning to ask not that things go my way, not even that I be "ok" with how things go, necessarily... But rather that my actions, no matter how I feel, would be Christlike. Like, for instance, if Tate wakes up fussing for the 10th time and I'm at my wits end, I want to be kind to him instead of angry. But I've stopped asking God to make him sleep through the night, etc... I've stopped asking that things go easy for me. I don't want things to go easy right now, because I know that God is working in my life to build my character and teach me lessons. So I've stopped asking Him to remove the stress... instead I'm asking Him to help me through it, help me learn and grow, help me to have patience and be slow to anger.
Ok, I'll shut up now... Sorry this was so random and boring.
Love Him... LOTS!
-Jack-
