Not a clue
I have no idea why I'm here right now. Just decided to take a short break from work and clear my head. Oh yeah, did I tell you I no longer sell drugs? ;-) Though there are days I long for the simple, brainless monotony of it, lol
Nope, I'm moving on, moving up, moving forward. And these last few months have just reiterated my need to keep doing that. I think I became a whole other person a few months back, and I don't even know how it happened. It definitely won't happen again, that's for sure. Somehow I gave up my strength, my determination, my independence, my confidence... At first, I think I blamed it on another person... but that was unfair. I'm starting to see that it was more in relation to circumstances that I just didn't know how to deal with. And instead of stepping back and tackling them as myself, I think I just got lost in them, unsure of which way was forward, which way was back, afraid of risking anything...
But the smoke is starting to clear. I felt more like myself yesterday than I have in probably six months. I'm back on my turf, prioritizing and running my life. I like it that way. I've decided to go back to school and finally finish my degree, but at the moment, my next step is to figure out just how/where to accomplish that. I have to apply and be accepted somewhere before I do a FAFSA, right? Egads, it's been so long I can't remember.
I'm also looking for a new opportunity as far as my career... It's a looooong story, but basically, the company I went to work for is a start-up and they really don't have their junk together. They supposedly hired me to help them do that, but the boss is basically operating from fear now, and is unwilling to make the changes necessary not just for success, but even for survival. So I'm not able to do much, and it's not really going anywhere.
So we'll see. Keep me in your prayers if you think of it. I'm not a big fan of uncertainty, so I'd like to line something up um, well, today would be good. I'm just done, you know? Ready to have it all back under control. And while no, I didn't design the landscape, I'll hold my own reigns, thankyouverymuch. Basically, my current outlook is that I played a part in getting myself here, I take responsibility for that. Nevertheless, I am here--pretending not to be is counterproductive to getting out. So no, while I didn't design my current surroundings, I am the only one who can get me out of them (with God's help, of course---just go with me metaphorically, lol). So yeah. That's what I'm doing. I don't like where I am, but I have to deal with it until I get to where I want to be.
I wonder if any of that made sense. Ok. Back to work! Go do something amazing.
- Jess
