What A Great Night
Seriously, it's been a long time since I've felt like this at the end of a night. I feel awesome. Physically... emotionally... just good, y'know? It started out a little frustrating. I won't go into why, but I can tell you I was very much on edge.
L agreed to watch Tate while I went to the gym to blow off a little steam. I started feeling a little better once I got to it, but the tension remained. So I finished my workout and decided to go into one of the raquetball courts and knock the volleyball around some, work on my left shoulder, etc.
I hadn't even worked up to real hitting yet when a friend of mine came in and wanted to play a little one-on-one. We were there til closing, playing on an imaginary net, and having good, old-fashioned sweaty fun. It was just... I don't know, just simple pleasure. No drama, no mind-games, no stress, no tension... just playing and really enjoying it.
After leaving, I thought things might get a little sour for me, as I was expecting to have to see someone tonight that I had no interest in being around (the polar opposite of the person I played volleyball with--pure drama). But then, I got back, and he was gone. He'd already left. It was awesome. Like... whipped cream on your pumpkin pie... like a candy cane in your hot chocolate... Great night made better.
Ah, if only every day could end like this...
(I'm going to go to bed now before something has a chance to go wrong)
Later!
-Jack
Wow...
This place is deserted... Sheesh.
Been forever since I've been here. I've been contemplating giving it up. But then I think of how good it's been for me, and I don't want to.
I'm so messed up right now. I don't even know how exactly, I just feel like I am. I haven't been to church in a month... All I do anymore is work, work out, and try not to think too much.
What am I running from?
I don't have the faintest idea... But I know I need to stop.
In more practical, tangible news:
- I'm waaaaaaaaaay flat broke. Tate's dad is almost $2000 behind on child support. I haven't gotten a single payment in two months. He took off work to have an elective surgery... so Tate and I suffer. Thanks. Lots. I'll probably be able to make rent at the end of the month, but that's about the only payment I'll be making... Utilities and whatnot will have to wait, unless God decides to drop a wad of cash in my path, which is highly unlikely...
- Tate has never been so trying... He's SO mouthy. Just back-talks all the time. It has to be a phase or something, but I'm having a very hard time coping.
- I'm addicted to the gym. I've been going every day... weekends included. It feels fantastic, everyone should do it. Either that or it should be illegal, because I'm tellin' you, it's like a drug.
- Still haven't found a home for Tink, but I haven't been looking very hard. I know it's not fair to her, but I just dread having to give her up.
- Other than that, I'm just lost...
So yeah... There I am. I haven't done much praying lately, but I did the last two nights, laying in bed. It's a start, I guess. Do you ever have that feeling, though, when you've sorta turned away from God (not like, done something horrible, but rather just let the relationship slide into autopilot and sit there) that He's fine without you? I dunno, like He doesn't need you, doesn't want to hear from you, don't even bother? I know it's the enemy and all, I just wondered if anyone else ever got hit that way too...
So I guess I won't give up on my blog just yet... Let's see if I can get back to where I was with it. That'd be nice. Hopefully I'll come out of this cocoon soon and I can get back to things...
Later.
- Jack
P.S. - yes, I'm still struggling with that same stupid situation... but i'm trying to remember that i'm an adult, and i'm not allowed to fixate like some silly girl on some stupid guy. seriously, jack, grow up. (yeah, what she said.)
